Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Why Do I Write This Stuff?

Because otherwise it would be running and running through my head and driving me crazy. I can't just go through life knowing all this stuff really happened and turn the other way. It's my karma, my curse, I'm even partially crippled these days, so often stranded at home alone with no thing more to do than put my hands on the keyboard, and no real skill other than an ability to observe and type fast.

I have to get out ALL the stuff that's hammering around in my head, rather than let it drive me insane.

Isn't it difficult, though, to travel in a population of people whose one main common characteristic is an inherent inability to trust anyone...

As an adult victim of a pedophile priest, if you were very young at the age of the assaults, that distrust got into your very cells as they were developing. A reaction of distrust is instinctive to many of us, like coughing when dust enters your throat.

Especially when I sense someone is not being totally truthful, there is an immediate connection, a knowing, recognizing lies, because as children we had to observe lies at such a base level at such a young age.

There are some advantages to having PTSD, it makes you very... alert.

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