Darn Right I'm Mad

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I'm sitting here waiting now two days for the landlord to make critical repairs in this slum where I live. Feces are coming up through the floor in the bathroom, the same problem they came out here a few months ago and instead of fixing, just cleaned up the shit, carried out plastic bags of it, and then put the same stained floor back down.

That's life in the slums.

I should not be living like this. I don't know how to express this without sounding selfish and money-grubbing, but it has been damn hard to watch people across the country get settlements and as a result get their lives changed, and I'm still sitting here in the slums.

Because Illinois law is so unfair, I'm left behind.

I get emails now and then from L.A. settlement people. I wish they would realize, I do not want to hear about how serene you are now, and that all I need to do is change my attitude. I'd be a lot more serene and have a lot better attitude if I had six figures in the bank too.

How soon they forget.

I just don't understand why way back in the beginning, in the 1990s, when people started getting uneven settlements because of these crimes, some people getting multi-million dollar settlements when others in different states under similar circumstances, had to settle for five-figure settlements. Many, Like me, will never see any help from the Church at all.

Why didn't someone at the beginning set up some kind of trust, to be made up of portions of individual settlements, to provide grant money or even loans, to the rest of the crime victims who aren't able to get financial settlements from the church?

Why didn't anyone invest in City of Angels, or back it?

This is one of the reasons I can't think of SNAP as anything but SNARL these days, as when you bring up a topic like financial help for victims with our "leaders" of SNARL they always say, "We don't do that."

Well who the hell is "we"?

And why not?

Instead one guy in Santa Barbara tries on his own to start one small trust fund for therapy for non-settled survivors, and that's great, but why is he having to do it alone?

Where is the network?

Why am I doing City of Angels all by myself funding it with two other part time jobs?

Where is the network?

I watch the SNARL guys jet from town to town, stay in hotels, eat in restaurants, and then appear in the news, in city after city.

I just wonder how many other of the victims are left with shit coming up through their floors, while SNARL leaders get awards for the great jobs they've done.

Cash awards...

Something is just not right.

Now I gotta go out and buy incense, as landlords who live in Beverly Hills and own apartment buildings in East Hollywood do not respond to maintenance requests, often for months.

This is the condition I'm living in,

The conditions I've been left it.

While I watched all those people around me become millionaires and then just leave.

Leave me and my daughter behind in the shit.

You're damn right I'm mad.