Liberation can come up when you least expect it...

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I'm having this wonderful weird experience. All my triggers are gone. All my compulsive inner feelings of "victim-hood" seem to be gone. It's like, I have this sense of "it's over." No more need, almost a compulsion I had for three years, gotta write another story, there's another story, there's another story. All of a sudden I'm not seeing the stories anymore. My brain tells me I should be sad, as there is an ending that happened here, but the feeling I really feel is more like anticipation. Like there was this thing that had me so full up for so long, there wasn't room for anything else. Now there's plenty of room and it's exciting wondering what will fill me up next.

That compulsion to write stories was accompanied by this dark thing, like a wet cloud hanging over me. And that thing is gone too, I can almost see it now, leaving, getting more distant. I keep saying to myself, I finished what I had to do, but I'm not sure what that was. Almost like a sci fi movie, I'm this space creature saying, "People of Earth, My work here is over," but I'm not leaving the planet any time soon. I'm going to spend the next 20 years or so enjoying this planet. Earth is this colorful musical place. I've been working too hard too long. It's like God told me I could finally retire. On Super Bowl Sunday...

I don't know how to explain it, it's been a weird month, but I feel really happy, everything is new, viewed from a different perspective. I don't have this Thing I Need To Do anymore and it's so- freeing.

kay ebeling piping in on a cool Friday in February

It probably explains why he was so angry. Joe Stack grew up in Catholic orphanage

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The man who flew his plane into an IRS building last week grew up in a Catholic orphanage in or near Pennsylvania. I bet there was really a whole nother reason he was angry, he was misdirecting his anger at what he could not identify, the abuse he lived through in the Catholic orphanage, at what he could identify- the IRS.

Here from L.A. Times article last Sunday:

"He (Joe Stack) told his daughter he was an orphan at age 4, when both his parents died in an auto accident, and was separated from his two brothers and sister, spending at least part of his childhood in a Catholic orphanage. Eventually, he and little brother Harry were shipped off to the Milton Hershey School, an institution for orphaned boys founded by the Pennsylvania...."

I knew there was a reason I could sense his rage...

I Said, It should be illegal to send our jobs overseas. A week later I was fired. So I understand why Joe Stack flew a plane into an IRS building

Originally posted at AlterNet
8:29 am, February 20, 2010:

Just about everybody in America is angry right now. Stop off to buy milk, in a minute you will be in deep overlapping conversation with the cashier about taxes you had to pay last year while billionaires hire tax attorneys to avoid paying, or however else this great sell out of America has hurt you. When Joe Stack flew his plane into the IRS last Thursday morning, I knew why as soon as I heard about it, without having to read his “last words.” It’s the frustration of trying to deal with a government that stopped paying attention decades ago.

Thursday afternoon in fact found me in deep conversation with a guy I just met in the shop minutes earlier, we stood for twenty minutes on a Hollywood Boulevard corner talking about the Medical mess the country is in.

“My friend, they were letting him die,” Harry said. At an East L.A. hospital, his friend finally checked himself out as all they would do is run tests and more tests.

Harry said, “The insurance companies were killing him, spending time on diagnostic tests, he was dying. “He checked out and got a ride to Tijuana, and a doctor there performed the surgery right away, saved his life.”

Often in L.A. we hear stories about how much better medical care you can get in Mexico.

My own Catch 22 is so bad that when I heard Joe Stack flew his plane into the IRS building, I thought immediately of how for more than a year I was So Angry at Social Security. Here is my Catch 22. I lost my job when they sent it to the Philippines. Two weeks later my health insurance was gone. Now I am sick but can’t get on SS Disability, because a doctor who is treating you has to fill out the forms.

See the Catch 22? I can’t get disability because I don’t have a doctor to fill out the forms. Uh, that also means I’m sick and have no medical care. Oh and it also means I still have to work or I will not be able to pay my rent. So to pay the rent I roll out of bed to my computer every day and knock out as many pages of transcription as I can get assigned to me. I have to earn at least $1700 a month to meet my rent and bills and just the basics, no movies, no new clothes. At $1.50 a page, that’s a lot of pages, the pay per page has not gone up since 1998.

Oh, right, one more. Then I get taxed as a self employed person, so it’s a higher rate than if I had a job.

Before I lost that job, I had to be working right on the same floor as the woman who they hired to send our jobs overseas. She was this wealthy damme from Burbank, who in her size 2 suits, would warble into the coffee room to freshen her tea and announce, “Oh I went to the most wonderful fundraiser for the A-a-hmaanso-o-onn last night.” Then she’d waltz back to her desk and in that same loud voice continue her work at selling our jobs to the Philippines, over the phone cold calling like a West Side fundraiser and selling all of us out.

One day in that same coffee room, while everyone else was seething sitting in tension around the table, I walked in and announced, “It should be illegal to send our jobs overseas. I’m a mom, I have a kid about to enter college. I seved in the Naval Reserves.”

A week later I did not have that job anymore.

Everywhere you go today, Americans are angry. I hope others don’t feel the only place to turn to is violence.
I suggest people blog it. Put it all on line, tell your stories. Blog it.

By Kay Ebeling,
Originally posted at AlterNet on SoapBox

Click headline here to go to original post at AlterNet:
I Said, It should be illegal to send our jobs overseas. A week later I was fired. So I understand why Joe Stack flew a plane into an IRS building

Oh I forgot, there's one more Catch 22. That money I earn by typing basically to keep a roof over my head is the other reason I get turned down for Disability. I'm paying my rent working on this treadmill, so I must not be disabled. It's not just one thing, it's lots and lots and lots of things that are broken in this country.
...

Here is how to ask SNAP for their financial documents:

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For a copy of financial papers from SNAP 2007, 2008, email

snapadmin1@gmail.com

Here in the SNAP Annual report under the pie chart

At the bottom of a list, in about

2 point type but it's there...

Email snapadmin1@gmail.com for financial documents from 2008, and I assume 2007.

The rest of this post moved here
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Demonic weirdness at Christian Homeless Shelter in 2004 much like attack on me by MN SNAP last week, scary but truly powerless

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(story still in editing phases)

I often say God looked down and saw I was going to need some extra help, when he saw that Catholic priest sexualizing me at five years old. And he was right, I got in situations several times where I should have been dead, maimed. Well I did get maimed, raped, brutalized several times, but I still recovered. Chaos kept the tempo of my life frantic for decades. I’d pick up and move, it was just natural for me to live in chaos most of the time.

******

The point of this story is the Evil that lurks alongside anything to do with the pedophile priests.

It’s like this demon that will snarl at you whenever there is an opportunity.

I hate to say it, but one time after telling my story of the pedophile priest, the demon rose up on me at that homeless shelter with the same energy, the same feeling, and the same response evoked in me, the same tone, the same voice as what came out of Bob Schwiderski’s human-ness last week, when he attacked me for writing about my bad experiences with SNAP.

When my daughter and I lost our apartment on Franklin in West Hollywood a few years back, the first place that finally got us out of our car and into shelter was The Lighthouse on Sunset Boulevard. The building used to be Joe’s Bar or something like that. The architecture for this one-time topless bottomless dancehall included a second floor with a long line of tiny rooms along a narrow hallway.

Wonder what they used to do in those rooms?

In 2003 the rooms were filled with women who had been living on the streets, or just escaped from a drug-crazed home with their kids, prostitutes trying to be ex-prostitutes who needed a place to live while they went to dental hygiene school, women like that.

The Lighthouse gave Lizzie and me a place where we could unpack a few bags and share a bunk bed in a tiny room, for $450.00 a month. Even homeless shelters charge rent, you know.

The woman in charge was a genuine Alabama cracker. She and a score of Christians arrived in Los Angeles about the turn of the century from the great Southeast, on a mission, to plant churches all over Hollywood and save its population of crazed sinful deviants like me. As a result there are these little pastoral centers all over the place in Hollywood.

Carole built Hope Again up from a room where she made phone calls in the nineties to this empire that owns four buildings along Sunset Boulevard, all of them now jammed full of people who are learning the Bible in exchange for a roof over their head.

******

Like all homeless shelters there was a mandated program. At the Lighthouse on Sunset Boulevard just east of Normandie, every night you brought your Book into the living room and did a Bible Study.

This was just about the weirdest thing I’d ever encountered. My experience with Bible studies was pretty much limited to what I’d seen in sitcoms on TV.

Mandatory Group Therapy

We also had to go to groups and take classes in different Christian churches around Hollywood.

I found a group for adult victims of child sex abuse. Signed up right away.

So next Tuesday night, in a classroom with little tiny chairs because it’s usually used by children, I sat in a group with about seven other girls and told the story of Father Thomas Barry Horne taking me into the woods to finger bang me when I was five years old and how it had affected me for the rest of my life.

I didn't even get to the part where I’d ride my bike to the rectory by age six, to bang on his rectory door and beg for more…

I just told the story of the first time Father Horne got to me out in the Woods on the 20 acres of property we had in Bartlett, Illinois, in what then was a rural area outside Chicago.

I pulled a pad out from my bag and started sketching.

This gruesome picture was the result, of a man with a priest collar towering over a little girl, the trees and sky in the background, him panting and leering as he arouses and excites this pretty little girl, lying on the ground beneath him.

The Adamant Christian lady to my right became astonished. “Look at that picture she just drew, how can you let her even be in this group,” she cried. I tried to cover the drawing then, but the woman running the group said, no, show it to us. It’s good to express yourself and draw what you're feeling and seeing.

It came up time for Lydia. She opened by saying she really identified with my story because the man who abused her was also a pastor in a church, and her father. She then told this horrific story of life out in a church in at the far east end of the Inland Empire of Los Angeles.

Her dad ran one of those tiny churches where people swallow the Bible whole while at the same time he was having sex with all his daughters and some of the neighbors' girls as well.

Lydia was a vision of saintliness in itself.

She was so white. So white, like she was lacking basic pigment elements in her DNA. White eyebrows and lashes, white skin, pale blue eyes-

And a way of talking that bespoke years of home schooling by parents who were practically illiterate themselves.

But she knew the Bible by heart.

She told her story. I thought we bonded.

I wanted to find out more about this ministry her dad ran while molesting his kids and the neighbors' kids in private.

Next day I was ordered first AM to report to Carole in the Hope Again Office up the street from the Lighthouse.

Carole was Exec Director, and founded this Christian ministry on Sunset Boulevard in East Hollywood when she first came from Alabama in the seventies. Now it was the only place that could take us in, because they weren’t getting government grants, so the age of your children did not matter.

This place was so zen.

I call what I learned to practice there Zen Christianity.

Hope Again was this wonderful place run totally on faith, you just prayed and adored god and miracles happened in front of your eyes. And they did.

But when Carole summoned you, you dropped everything and answered, and Carole could, on a whim, throw you back out on the streets, if she just didn't like the way you looked...

*******

I got summoned. Linda stood in the doorway of our tiny crowded room I shared with Lizzie at age 15 at the lighthouse that morning and said:

“Carole wants to see you right away.”

This meant trouble. I walked up the block and got ushered right into the exec director’s door.

“All holy hell has been breaking out here since I walked in this morning because of you,” she waddled in front of me and the words came out like razors from her thin very red lipsticked lips.

Carole and I were about the same build at the time. Two stout square bodied women standing in front of each other looking like sisters.

Then the three pastors who were also on staff entered.

Closed the door behind them. It was very quiet.

All had expressions that said to me, you've got some explaining to do, woman.

With the pastors all assembled and me in a chair, them lookign down on me, Carole explained. Lydia said I’d been on the phone to her nonstop, calling her over and over again all last night and through the morning.

Lydia claimed I had taken on characteristics of someone who is possessed by the devil.

She said I’d call her at all hours and snarl, viciously into the phone and go into graphic descriptions of sex acts done on a child.

There in the office with Carole all the pastors staried down at me sitting in a little easy chair stunned.

I said, I don't have a cell phone, how could I call her.

Carole said, go back to your room, don't go anywhere, I'll get to the bottom of this.

The phone calls I supposedly made, were the same as the tone of Bob Schwiderski's video sent out to five hundred people last week.

Snarling.

I said, I don't even have a cell phone, and I don't have Lydia's phone number.

Carole said, go back to your room, and ask Jesus to help you.

I thought, yeah right.

But then again, I didn't know what else to do. And she did have the power to make us homeless again.

At that time of the day most of the residents were out of the Lighthouse on Sunset Boulevard, so I was about the only person on the second floor of the building.

I was in this state.

Lydia had made all those weird accusations and my story of Father Horne must have triggered her, and now everyone around me thinks I'm some kind of demon, and Lizzie and I may end up back living in the car again as a result. What do I do.

What do I do.

Well, when in Rome so to speak, do as the Romans or, well, do as the fundamentalist Christians do.

I lied on my bunkbed cot and decided to do what Carole said to.

I was hesitant, so I didn't call out, the the name Jesus came out quiet and soft, and that's all it took.

The whole force field pressure of horrible feeling I had after hearing about those phone calls, it all left.

I lay there on my bunkbed on the second floor, with crack whores hollering on the sidewalk right outside, and barely whispered Jesus’ name and this burst of protection flushed out and surrounded me, made me feel fine, there was nothing wrong with me at all.

Then I walked back to the office and pointed out that since we had to sign in and out of classes at the Lighthouse, I could prove I’d been in their own programs at least some of the times Lydia claimed I’d made those calls.

Carole let us stay at the Lighthouse after that, of course, though she did take an aside to say, "For now, let's just keep the priest molestation stuff on the low down, okay?"

So Lydia (not her real name) ended up going from the homeless shelter to somewhere else, not me and Lizzie. Now we live in our own place just up the street, just a few blocks up Sunset Boulevard.

Point here is similarity of the energy.

The phone calls Lydia described, maybe hallucinated, were from the same source as the video Bob Schwiderski sent out to five hundred people about me last week, they had that same snarling tone.

Even weirder, I remember Mary Grant's emails when she was trying to stop me from starting City of Angels, also had that same snarling tone.

Writing about pedophile priests you end up being so close to Evil. It can surprise you at first. But now that I've seen it several times, I know I can just laugh at it, because it really has no power. It can just intimidate and scare you, it can't really get to you.

I still have that same bubble protecting me from that day on the bunkbed in the Lighthouse, actually from the day I was five years old getting finger banged by Father Horne

The bubble is keeping City of Angels alive and making it grow, in spite of nonprofiteers, in spite of the priests who continue to be priests and all their reprimands.

It's been a very weird three-years-long now effort they've made to beat City of Angels down, from many places.

And I'm still here.

Almost the exact same day I got booted from Abuse Tracker for my "screed" about SNAP, which is all true, I got picked up by AlterNet which is much more mainstream, reaches a much wider audience.

Those angels have been protecting me and making little miracles like this happen in my life actually since I was raped by Father Horne in 1953. The months we went with no food in 2007-8 kick started me into eating less and now I no longer have the same body type as Carole, I'm dancing again.

There's always something good inside the bad, and the real evil can't get to you if you just stay right.
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PS. What are the odds that three different people would email me on the same day using a word like "screed"?

Financial Docs from SNAP 2006 scanned here, where to send for 2007-2008

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I knew I could find it. Financial documents from SNAP 2006 can be viewed full screen, click to enlarge, by following the headline below to City of Angels 11

Monday, November 23, 2009

A guy handed me these papers begging me to post them. Here they are, if they are a smoking gun, please let me know...
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The rest of this post has moved here

Not a smoking gun, just information about the origin of SNAP

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POST MOVED HERE

For a copy of 2008 financial papers from SNAP email snapadmin1@gmail.com, it says here in the SNAP Annual report

All the rest of this story has moved here:

From the spoils of human tragedy...

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My job this week is for a show in production called AUCTIONEERS$$ about a new thriving business in America. When people lose their homes or businesses, I guess banks and insurance companies seize everything, business equipment. Then the Auctioneers aucion it off and a lot of people make a lot of money thanks to that family losing their home.

Also when people put their belongings in a storage facility and then can't pay the bill for two months in a row, they lose their belongings. It goes to the auctionners.

The Auctioneers$$ are the savvy capitalists who stand between the loser and buyer in these human catastrophes. They sell the contents of a storage facility without opening it, so it's like a party when after the sale is made, they pore over family pictures and such looking for hidden treasures they can later sell at whopping profits.

The same company that makes this show also produced Accidental Fortunes, where people find a thing in a trash bin, take it home and clean it up, and end up selling it at Sotheby's for half million dollars later. And that was a cool funny show, but it's a year later now and...

Now it's a show about people who sell the spoils of human tragedy... yee, it's getting a little weird. One box even contained teeth with gold fillings that someone's grandpa brought home from some war, 'nuff said.

I remember when Lizzy and I had all our stuff at Public Storage on Santa Monica and La Brea. (Highland?) On santa monica boulevard. We put our stuff there November 2003 because first month was only a dollar, and we knew it would only be a few weeks tops before we got into another home. It ended up being two years.

Meanwhile there were several times we came within hours of not making that payment on time and losing everything we owned except what was crammed into our car. The photographs, file cabinets, (I'm a writer and everything used to be only on paper so I have file cabinets.) not to mention clothes and those damn gold coins that I still to this day have never found...

Anyway

Often when we would go to visit the storage facility, as we were digging through boxes, tearing through bags, it was such a wreck in there after a few months- often when we went we'd hear the cries.

People wailing, calling out Pleeeease pleeease.

It would echo through the steel corridors of storage bins.

"Those are my family albums, just let me take those, please, please don't take everything, no one wants my family albums, pleeeeeeese pleeeeese"

Then you would hear the soft-spoken practiced corporate voice of the Public Storage guy, in an accent of indefinable country of origin, explaining, "No ma'am, this is our policy, if you do not pay by midnight on the date payment is due, you no longer own the contents of your unit."

"Pleeeeese pleeeease!"

Lizzie and I would shudder. We'd stop digging in the boxes and listen and shudder, especially after the first time we almost didn't make our monthly payment on time. It was something like 75 dollars a month and ... that's how bad it gets when you're homeless and your job requires you to work out of your home.

At least I kept my work equipment in the car as we'd carry a television with a VCR in it and my desktop computer and monitor up and down the stairs and into motel rooms when we could, where I'd work for a week, then we'd pay for two more weeks, then we'd run out of cash and sleep in the car for a week. It went on like that for 6 months then we got into a shelter, where we lived 11 months, then a transitional shelter for 6 months, then this apartment in a neighborhood where a lot of people have spent years of their lives in the same kind of chaos.

I fit in here. My clothes do not look shabby compared to my neighbors' clothes. This is the part of town where people who don't even hear about one-year window opportunities for lawsuits live, they are too busy working 12 hours a day and taking care of sick family or whatever to pay that much attention to the news.

I fit in here.

None of my neighbors have a full mouth of teeth unless they spent a year and a half with an empty mouth and then got Medi-Cal dentures. I don't think Medi-Cal does dentures anymore...

Oh yeah, the TV show I'm working on this week. Just another reality filler between commercials on a cable channel, nothing to get excited about. Pays the rent for a dozen or so people in L.A. who get income out of it.

Works for me.

***********

(A few hours later)

Wow, just when I was about to give up on Humankind, this is the story I ended up working on today for the show "Accidental Fotunes." . I'm not allowed to tell what I learn on these shows that hasn't been in the media yet, but this story has blown me away today even renewed by faith in ... in ... in something.

With One Swing (of the Gavel), Ruth's Bat Hits $1.26 Million - Los ...
Babe Ruth's bat -- A photo caption with an article in Friday's Section A about the ... Stadium misidentified a man holding the bat as a worker at Sotheby's.

What was Babe Ruth's bat nicknamed? Answerbag
Dec 26, 2008 ... What was Babe Ruth's bat nicknamed? Darlin' is the most famous. ... wood bat sold for $1.26 million at a Sotheby's auction in December 2004, ...www.answerbag.com..

SportsCards Plus & Sotheby's To Sell Babe Ruth's Storied Bat - PSA ...
Professional Sports Authenticator (PSA) is the world's largest third-party sportscard authentication service -- the experts in grading cards, .

Sportsview: Babe Ruth Bat a Treasure - Wire Services - Baseball ...
The greatest worry about the auction of the bat Babe Ruth swung to hit the ... as Sotheby's and SportsCards Plus believe it will at their joint auction in ...

Wait until you see this story in full in the show I'm working on now, Accidental Fortunes. I may rebound faster than I expected.

Not because of the amount she got for the bat, but for who she was and how she held onto it, amazing story. As I go through the file and hear the details, rushes of endorphins are flushes all over my body... thanks, nudges, for sending some respite.

The Whole SNAP Story, from City of Angels perspective... All based on true experience

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This story is being continually updated Here;

The Other SNAP Story of Counter Intelligence and Sink Holes**

 

(After doing City of Angels Blog for four years, this story was all I could see or find, even without looking for it. Today [Fall 2011] I see so much good work done at a local level in SNAP, I think to myself, I must not have seen what happened clearly. Then I remember, the whole thing is set up to look from the outside like great work is being done, so now that I am standing outside, to me, too, it looks like good work is being done. Especially at a local level, SNAP works, as if some people got a network going in spite of the obstructions. I invite people to please email me and tell me what you think one way or the other: cityofangelslady@yahoo.com but as to what is posted here, this really did happen, I really did see these things. I had a unique perspective as a result of producing City of Angels Blog from 2007 to 2011 where I interviewed pedophile priest crime victims and their families and lawyers around the country. I felt the whole time like something was beating down my efforts and preventing me from being able to continue, and the one common denominator throughout the experience was SNAP.... So I started writing this, in Feb. 2010.)

(This story is still a work in progress.)

(You can also read Angelic Intervention Chapter 2 on a different platform.)

(And you can read Chapter 3: Other States: SNAP Curious Pattern Repeated all over the USA in progress, where we detail obstructions other pedophile priest victims around the USA have encountered when interacting with SNAP.)

****
By Kay Ebeling
...

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LAST UPDATED Oct. 18, 2011:.

Oh no! Now they are maneuvering all reports for The Hague on pedophile priests to go to SNAP, assuring that from here on out, those new charges will be heard as little as possible...

***

Having victims leaflet outside cathedrals is perfect for the Church.

The bishops can see everything we do.

I was pressured into stopping City of Angels Blog by an ongoing onslaught. I was under attack from all different directions, in subtle ways that you can't quite pinpoint, but that add up to intimidation. In one last gasp, I wrote this post in April 2011 and then lawyers made me remove it, for now. The message I was getting was the more I produced the blog, the more the scare tactics would increase.

Believe me, I know writing The Other SNAP Story makes me look like a paranoid or jealous saboteur, that's part of how perfect their scheme was. Anyone who starts to see the scheme and point it out looks like a paranoid or jealous saboteur. Stranger yet, several other victims share my feelings that, if nothing else, something is not right with SNAP. But it's all set up so people are afraid to criticize, and those who do point out something is wrong get shunned and ostracized instead of heard. Just like the Catholic Church. The pedophile priest movement was manipulated so the victims see the leaders as saints who can do no wrong, even while they are doing wrong... sound familiar?

There's no point in me being silent about this. City of Angels Blog was on the verge of being a source of real networking and exposure of the pedophile priest epidemic in the Catholic Church and how the bishops covered up the crimes. The only thing that stopped the blog from growing was SNAP's work behind the scenes to destroy the blog. And as CofA Blog developed, SNAP's efforts to kill it became more forceful.

Apparently what I was seeing as I produced the blog was exactly what SNAP was working so hard to keep me, or anyone else, from being able to see. So now, I have to write about it, and what have I got to lose, I'm already ostracized.

In the first two years of the blog, my phone was ringing all day, my email was full every day. But eerily, the more I worked, the less response I'd get. Strange things would happen to me and I realized the only explanation was that SNAP was sabotaging me behind the scenes. At first I did not want to think SNAP was the cause of the problem, but by early 2010 it became blatantly obvious. The story of counter-intelligence work of SNAP is now, to me, more important to write than details of the priests' crimes.

*******************

With a hundred thousand victims of pedophile priests in the USA, isn't it strange that only a handful appear at any SNAP event?

The pattern is new arrivals participate enthusiastically, then a few months later get discouraged and disappear.

Although they call themselves a network, SNAP works hard to prevent victims from developing a real network, to keep us from finding and talking to each other, all while putting an image out to the public that they were "giving voice" to victims. SNAP often describes itself as "The oldest" and now "the only" organization that has developed in the pedophile priest crime community, which is true, because SNAP makes sure no other groups are able to form and grow.

No matter how much I tried to focus on stories about the sex crimes of the priests, whoever I was interviewing would want to tell me about the strange things SNAP had done in their towns. I know that my phone was tapped, you could literally hear the clicking noise. In a phone conversation, every time I'd say the word "bishop" or "pedophile priest" the clicking noise would start. Then, a few days later, whoever I was talking to would suddenly, out of the blue, be contacted by SNAP and steered away from me.

Somehow SNAP found out who I was talking to and then they would intervene.

SNAP's obstruction became so obvious that after a while I would just wait for it to happen. I'd track down and interview a pedophile priest crime victim, then wait to see how long it would be before that victim would be contacted by Clohessy or Blaine and be convinced not to talk to me anymore. Soon the phone stopped ringing and the emails stopped coming. Then the victim I was writing about would show up front and center at a SNAP media event that suddenly took place in their town.

By mid-2009 it became almost like a game. I'd be working on a story by phone with a victim, then I'd just wait for the intervention to happen, and sure enough, next time I called them they'd have some explanation for why they could not continue to work on a story with me, and the explanation always involved some interaction they'd just had with SNAP.

(INSERT HERE: the Chicago pizza joint coincidence.*)

A guy in San Diego was real bad at subterfuge. In the middle of a phone call he said, Whoa, wait a minute, are you that Kay and hung up on me. The behind the scenes maneuverings became real obvious to me.

A survivor in New Mexico spent hours on the phone with me, for a story I was to publish two weeks later when he had one final piece of information. In our converstaion he assured me that since he was an active member of AA, he knew how important it was to "be there" when someone called. He said, "Call anytime, I'll drop everything and talk to you, as a group we need each other." He also had a conversation coming up soon with Clohessy. I called him two weeks later for that last bit for the sroty and he would not take or return my call. What was said to him between the two phone calls?

That happened over and over again, a pattern, and soon every story I developed, I ran into an obstruction.

So for now, I figure, I have nothing to lose. I still wake up in the middle of the night today (October 2011) with a strong message, I need to tell this story. I have to not care whether everyone hates me for saying it, I need to write it here, and let people find it, and if they hate me for it, oh well, that's life. So here goes:

*******


SNAP was started in the mid-1980s by Barbara Blaine, who went to University of St. Louis, a Jesuit college, and then began her career as a social worker with a Catholic social services agency in Chicago. Soon after starting SNAP, Blaine had the time and resources to go to law school.

Ten years into the life of the non profit, charges were dismissed against Father Kevin Clohessy in St. Louis, and his brother, David Clohessy became executive director of SNAP. Father Kevin faced vague charges of sex abuse of a minor details of which have never energed. Read more about Kevin Clohessy (here)

Is it a coincidence that David Clohessy was named Executive Director of a "support organization" for pedophile priest victims around the same time that his brother, Father Kevin, got his charges dropped for molesting a minor?

Victims come and go regularly, but "survivors" rarely stay involved with SNAP for a long period of time. Still the founder and the director of the group, along with a handful of new victims, manage to be front and center dominating the coverage

Wherever and whenever the story of pedophile priests is breaking in the news, there is David Clohessy's sound byte that says nothing more than what is already in the news, yet it's repeated over and over by copy and paste journalists.

The outflow of facts gets contained.

Does SNAP do advocacy for pedophile priest victims, or was SNAP really created in the 1980s to run damage control for the Catholic Church?

*****

It's now Fall of 2011 now and as I look back, it makes me so sad.

Imagine how wonderful City of Angels Blog could have been if there were a genuine support network for pedophile priest victims, but instead I was doing it all alone, with "someone" making sure I got as little recognition or cooperation as possible.

Imagine how effective the movement could have been, if we'd had a real national support network for survivors.

Considering there are a hundred thousand Catholic clergy abuse victims in the USA alone, imagine how effective the activism could have been, if there had been an aggressive, inclusive, genuine network that actually worked the way a network should work, encouraging everyone who had an idea, linking groups around the country, keeping us all involved, informed, "networked."

Instead we got and endless stream of media events, mostly saying the same things, (the bishops are "reckless and callous") with Barbara Blaine and David Clohessy appearing on camera. No matter where the story broke or what priests were accused of what crimes, there would be Barbara and/or David, in the news, saying the same banal sound bytes, dominating the story, making it theirs. When victims participated, they could do no more than stand behind a SNAP leader and hold up the SNAP 800 phone number. Then the SNAP leaders fly home and, in most cases, the local victims and blocal news reps, never hears any details of the crimes or how the crimes affected the crime victims.

All those calls to the 800 number? The information drops into a sinkhole somewhere between Chicago and St. Louis, never to be heard again. The details of the crimes and how they affected the victims' lives remain untold.

SNAP is not advocacy, it's damage control.

SNAP is a handful of people who co-opted any movement survivors were trying to start at a grass roots level in the USA. They assured that all news queries on the topic of pedophile priests would go to SNAP, which gives an appearance of SNAP employees hard at work, but the result is no other victims' voices are heard.

*******
Things that caused me to question SNAP from the beginning:

The word Counterintuitive comes up often

I broke a story about Fr. Gus Krumm at City of Angels Blog, and Gustavo at OC Weekly picked it up. SNAP arrived a few days later in Orange County doing a press event referring reporters to Gustavo's story and repeating the story I broke at City of Angels as their own sound bites. Not once at the press event did SNAP mention City of Angels Blog, written by one of the survivors SNAP says it represents, me, left out of the loop in L.A. SNAP did not even let me know they were doing the press event until a few hours in advance.

On another occasion, I tracked down the new home of Father Michael Wempe when he got out of prison, and SNAP ran a press event, demonstrating outside the gated community. SNAP got their name in the news again based on a story I discovered and broke, again not including City of Angels in the event, let alone mentioning the blog as the source of the material.

Whenever SNAP came to L.A. in the four years I was doing CofA Blog, I never got a heads up in advance that they were coming, what the subject of their media event would be, or any acknowledgement at all of the work I was doing, even though I broke a lot of stories at CofA that were not covered anywhere else in the news. As late as Spring 2010 after I met with a SNAP leader visiting from St. Louis and I thought fences were mended, SNAP showed up a few weeks later and repeated the same isolationist pattern, leaving CofA Blog out of the loop.

If I mention it by itself, being ignored by SNAP doesn't seem like much, it's the combination of four- to five-years of weird treatment that resulted in this story.

But from the beginning, SNAP acted as if City of Angels Blog was not even there, and bulldozed over the blog whenever the opportunity arose.

*********

As I produced City of Angels Blog, my intent was to tell the story of a hundred thousand crime victims and coverups by the Church. But soon it became apparent, that the real story here is the counter-intelligence, the fake network that the Church or the Vatican or "someone" created in the mid-1980s. To the public they appear to be advocating for the crime victims, but SNAP's real purpose was to keep us all in line, under control, while managing the news story wherever it broke. . . to keep the Church as adored and powerful today as it was when the story first began to break.

Through SNAP, no more damage got done to the Church than the minimal amount that was inevitable, as news stories broke across the USA past two decades. No more of the story got out than would inevitably get out, and damages to the Church were kept to a minimum.

When I was writing CofA stories, I'd call a victim to find out how their project was going and without my even asking, they'd end up telling me, SNAP ruined it. SNAP showed up late, or even worse, SNAP showed up to run a different event at the same time in a nearby location thus destroying the grass roots local effort. Or another outright evil tactic: SNAP stepped in and took over the microphone, keeping the original organizers and local survivors from being able to speak.

*****

If I were the only victim to have a bad experience with SNAP I would not write this post today. (Insert here, what happened to Robert Costello's project when the Pope visited New York; the way SNAP defeated efforts by survivors to hold a vigil in Chicago Easter Weekend 2006; what SNAP leaders said to and about Jim Robertson after he made widespread news by handcuffing himself to Cardinal Mahony's throne at the L.A. Cathedral, thus stopping any other victim from doing any activism outside SNAP's control; and finally re The Hague, since German lawyers were alreday working to prosecute the Pope at the International Criminal Court, and efforts were already underway to have victims contact the ICC, why didn't SNAP mention any of that work in progress in their Sept 2011 media blitz?)

*****

I remember the moment, Spring 2006, SNAP was holding a vigil in Pershing Square while the U.S. bishops held their annual meeting in the L.A. Biltmore across the street. I was disheveled, bloated, fat, bent-backed, a person with no self esteem at all.

Barbara Blaine sat next to the L.A. SNAP leader Mary Grant and I finally got a chance to talk to them. I was in awe of them, gazing up at them, probably looked pretty pathetic.

I said, "It feels so good to be able to send out a letter to the editor and sign it Kay Ebeling, SNAP Los Angeles."

Blaine and Grant looked at each other then looked at me, and said simultaneously:

"You can't."

They may have explained why I couldn't say I was a member of SNAP but I really don't remember what the reasoning was. Just that I gave them the authority, figured they must know what they are doing, so they must be right, and I left the event defeated.

That vigil in Pershing Square was also one of the first experiences I had with Blaine's snarling glare. At that time in spring 2006 I was all gaga over SNAP, thinking the leaders of the group were true heroes. So when I got close enough to talk to Blaine I gushed, "Wow, how did you manage to go to law school at the same time as running this organization?"

Instead of an answer, Blaine became silent, and fixed me with an intimidating glare that said, "How dare you ask me that question." I shriveled up and stayed quiet.

Stayed in my place and did not ask questions, just the SNAP was set up to affect the victims.

It was all part of the plan back in the mid-1980s, when "someone" created SNAP to run the movement and manage the message, that the victims would stay in their place and not ask questions.

(INSERT here: As I wrote City of Angels, every time I'd hint at questions about SNAP in blog posts, immediately my email would fill up with messages from Tom Doyle and Bob Schwiderski intercepting, making sure I did not pursue the questions any further.)

****

Still back in 2006, I didn't drop out of the movement, and kept trying to find other survivors who lived in the part of L.A. that I lived, Hollywood, by going through SNAP. I kept not getting my phone calls returned. Finally at an event, I asked Grant, "Why don't I start a support meeting for SNAP in Hollywood? I'm sure there are other victims in that part of town." Grant took me off to the side to say to me privately, "Kay we think you are too sick to run a support group."

Again, I felt defeat. I was so certain the people who ran SNAP knew what they were doing, they were the authorities that I left that event and went home and indeed got sick, a depression-fueled sick, and stayed sick almost not functioning for a good six months.

****

Instead of walking away from the movement, I started City of Angels blog in January 2007.

INSERT: Angelic intervention:

SNAP tried to stop me from pursuing journalistic inquiries the beginning.

I posted on SNAP message board that I'd be attending a Jan 2007 hearing, the first I found out about. Immediately Mary Grant slammed me an email. "Don't attend that hearing, the survivor whose case it concerns does not want you there and if you write anything about it, you will hurt his case."

Angelic intervention.

Through the SNAP message board I'd met a few survivors around the country, one of which was the victim whose case was going before the court in a hearing that date, Jan 16, 2007. Out of a thousand or so victims in Southern California with cases going through pre-trial development in 2006, I knew that one plaintiff, Michael Schumacher in Arizona. So I called Mike and asked him, "Is it true you don't want me to cover your hearing? Because SNAP tells me I'll be hurting your case if I go cover it."

"Hell no," Mike told me. "I've never talked to anyone at SNAP about it and I Do Want you to go to the hearing, write about it, let me know what is going on."
So in spite of SNAP's warning me that I'd be "Hurting a Survivor" by covering his hearing, I went anyway, and the result was the first post ever published at City of Angels 3, Jan. 17, 2007.

City of Angels Blog was born in spite of SNAP, thanks to angelic intervention.

*****

And as I wrote City of Angels Blog I inevitably began to learn how SNAP works, which is probably why they tried to discourage and sabotage me to begin with.

No matter where in the country I was doing a story, the anti-network efforts on the part of SNAP would loom over the interviews. I began to realize the efforts of SNAP ended up deflating any real efforts at advocacy or prosecution on local levels, not blatantly, just always behind the scenes. Defeating words whispered into a survivor's ear as they were just about to speak in public, SNAP showing up late and unprepared, so guaranteeing the failure of a local SNAP event, media announcements at way too short notice, with just enough errors in them to deter any real news from being developed.

Then after each event around the country, SNAP takes the media and new survivor contact information back to St. Louis or Chicago, so local grass roots efforts can never get off the ground. They don't share that information with the local leaders. Why do they share it with?

********

Compassion Coercion

When I tell people my observations that SNAP is really working for the Catholic Church, many argue, "but SNAP is in the news all the time, it sends out press releases every day."

Look closer. Those media releases never say more than what is already in the news. And as a result, nothing more ever gets revealed.

Damage control.

OR

Indirectly, Blaine and Clohessy deliver a message from the Church.

This compassionate coercive tactic is hard to pinpoint, but it emanates from SNAP press statements.

First time I noticed it was in July 2007, after the L.A. Archdiocese settlement hearing. Of course Clohessy was all over the news in L.A. Maybe two L.A. plaintiffs were also able to speak to the press, (persons approved by SNAP only) but mostly it was Clohessy. The SNAP executive director always jets in to take charge wherever the story of pedophile priest crime breaks, to control the message.

A local radio show had Clohessy in a phone call talking about the L.A. cases. Over the air, Clohessy's voice said something like, "Whenever victims come forward, the Church will be there to fight them." (I did not write down the quote, wish I had.)

When I heard Clohessy say that on the radio, I got chills. Clohessy was delivering the message from the Church. He wears the disguise of a concerned caring individual, but the truth is, he's carrying the Church's water, under his shirt.

In that L.A. interview, Clohessy was warning victims that when they come forward, the Church will be there fighting them every step of the way.

It's hard to explain how this double talk works, it's very subversive.

A more recent example is from September 2011. Blaine posted on the SNAP website a typical emotion-filled SNAP statement about European victims.

Another compassionate coercion statement:

"It’s sad that in Germany, where hundreds of brave, wounded child sex abuse victims have spoken up in the last year, the pope can’t bring himself to openly address the most devastating crisis in modern church history. If he can’t even talk about it, there’s little chance he can fix it."

There once again is the Church's message costumed as the words of a concerned social working advocate.

Blaine tells us, the Pope is not going to talk about it and he's not going to fix it. Indeed, the Pope even has this pseudo-support group leader deliver his message to people, disguised as sympathy.

I know this sounds crazy, and extreme.

But look at who the bad guys are here.

And think of the lengths to which the Catholic Church has gone throughout history to stay in power.

Blaine has gotten "arrested" twice in the last five years while holding press events outside The Vatican. This makes her appear as a brave hero. Especially when she comes out of The Vatican a few hours later and makes the inevitable statement to the press, full of coercive compassion.

But think about it.

When the DEA makes a drug bust, they always arrest the undercover agents along with the criminals.

Then the "arrested" agents can go off to an office, unobserved, and talk to their handlers.

When Blaine gets arrested at The Vatican, it's like they are "bringing her in" so she can talk to her real bosses.

Okay, that may be extreme.

But look again at that statement Blaine made in Germany September 2011. By side tracking us into emotion, we don't take the action we should take. The aggressive action survivors want to take gets mushed down and instead we have victims at home alone crying.

I'm not "sad" about the pedophile epidemic in the Catholic Church, I'm outraged and want legal action. Why even bother following the Pope around holding press conferences? The Pope is never going to change. SNAP always calls victims who come forward "brave" getting the message to us that there is something to be afraid of, and words such as "wounded" are another backhanded way to put us in our place.

Something is not right with SNAP and it shows up between the lines of their press statements. I mean, Blaine is traveling all over the world, "speaking for victims" and all she can say is "it's sad"?

Put emotion all over it and water it down, show up at every possible occasion with an entourage thus keeping anyone outside your group from being heard, take center stage and then waste the opportunity to say, "I feel your pain."

This is not the aggressive activism that hundreds of thousands of pedophile priest victims need. This is

Damage Control.

****

I would have let these negative experiences with SNAP slide and not dwelled on them, except as I started finding out about this story across the country, I interviewed dozens of survivors, and found out many other victims had eerie, unexplainable defeating and dejecting experiences when they reached out to SNAP. I found out SNAP often steps in and usurps work victims were doing locally as advocates.

And the more City of Angels grew, the more SNAP worked behind the scenes to keep the blog from being successful.

***

Thank God for people like Cindy, one of the more vocal L.A. victims.

In early 2007 Cindy emailed me saying something like, "Mary Grant from SNAP told me to stay away from you, so I knew something was up, and decided to contact you right away. Let's get together." Cindy was the first victim to inform me that SNAP was down-rapping me to other victims, in effect sabotaging City of Angels Blog, telling victims not to talk to me. Apparently SNAP told Cindy, Stay away from Kay Ebeling, she's just a crazy lady in Hollywood. I later learned SNAP warned several survivors in L.A. not to cooperate with me for one of my blog posts, which makes no sense. In early 2007, I was saying nothing but glowing words and praises about SNAP, and publicizing their media events.

It makes no sense unless SNAP's goal was to keep City of Angels Blog from developing.

SNAP did not want anyone to interview too many victims and figure out what SNAP was really doing and publicize it.

Today, Cindy has been my dear best friend for more than four years.

But there is still so much unresolved about SNAP.

Imagine what the survivor movement could have been if our "advocacy group" hadn't been working behind the scenes to defeat us, assuring that no grass roots activism ever took place.

Imagine what City of Angels Blog could have been if SNAP had supported it instead of sabotaging it.

*****

I am a journalist by profession, so when word trickled out in 2006 that in L.A. there were hundreds of lawsuits going forward, I wanted to find out more to "write something," yet L.A. SNAP leader Mary Grant kept telling me there was nothing going on in court. I knew that could not be true, so I finally approached her at a moment when she was standing with a VOTF woman, because everything Grant said to me, she'd say when no one else was around. As the VOTF woman stood stunned at my rudeness to interrupt them, I said, "Mary, with all the new victims coming forward in L.A., there must be something going on in the courts, pre-trial motions?" Grant bristled, but since the VOTF woman was standing there, Grant could not get away with the diversion she had been carrying out. Grant had to tell me the truth. "Yes," she said, "there's something going on in Superior Court." I kept asking Grant questions even though she'd turned her back on me, and finally I squeezed the name of an attorney out from between Grant's clenched teeth. Finally I had the name of a contact. I called the attorney and discovered there had been pretrial hearings in L.A. Superior Court going on for months, two or three of them a week. I started attending the hearings and found a huge story there.

And City of Angels Blog was born.

In spite of SNAP.

And the blog grew, thanks, in many cases, to what I came to call "angelic intervention."

******

When SNAP calls itself is a "support network" it is making two false statements. The support is not really there. And the network does not exist at all, it's a hologram.

I know people are rankled at me for down-rapping SNAP but as long as it's impossible to point out anything SNAP does wrong, they will continue to do things in "the way we've always done it," and the same mistakes will get made, with the end result that in spite of a hundred thousand victims in the USA and close to ten thousand priests identified, the bishops are still in power, and Americans think the pedophile priest crime victims or "survivors" are this small fringe group of people who just wants to destroy the church.

*****
Revealing experience at a SNAP conference

Through the blog I was able to raise funds to attend a SNAP conference, in July 2008 and what an empowering experience that was. Everywhere I went in that Chicago hotel meeting area, people would say, "That's Kay Ebeling, she started City of Angels Blog." The survivors and advocates loved the blog, I was getting accolades like I'd never gotten them before. Everyone at the conference was happy to see me

Except

Over on the sidelines I'd see David Clohessy and Barbara Dorris, just standing there glaring at me, shooting darts with their eyes. I talked to Barbara Blaine and she was civil, but I sensed she was bristling as we spoke. Everyone at the SNAP conference welcomed me, except the people who ran SNAP.

Meanwhile I was flying high at the conference on all the positive feedback I was getting, until I went to the Saturday night breakout session, a women's support group.

(I need to work on this, to describe how weird, in fact surreal, this experience was.)

Thrown out of a Saturday night women's group

Tossed into hallway with door slammed behind me.

This is support?

I was overflowing with enthusiasm at the 2008 SNAP conference, so when someone in the women's Saturday night support group outbreak session said something shocking, I let an audible burst of breath come out of my mouth. The "facilitator" stopped the session and told me I was too disruptive. Then she physically removed me from the group, pushed me into the dark hallway, and slammed the door on me. The way that ejection was carried out deflated any self-esteem I had gotten from the conference, instead I spent the next six months thinking there was something inherently wrong with me...

Again, calculated efforts to defeat survivors who are activists working outside of SNAP.

Before the women's Saturday night group started, someone, in my memory she looks like Barbara Blaine, but I can't say for sure, was talking to the facilitator. Then as soon as the group started, the facilitator was harassing me, interrupting me, snarling at me every time I squirmed or coughed, waiting for the right time to eject me from the group.

To be honest, I still am not sure what that sequence of events meant, but the end result was my going to the SNAP conference left me feeling the same lowness that I felt after Blaine and Graint told me I couldn't sign letters to the editor as a member of SNAP.

Dejection, defeat, from an organization that proclaims itself as "giving voice to victims." In spite of all the positive response from people at the conference, the experience of being thrown out of the support group and left standing by myself in a dark empty hallway had a real bad effect on me. Again it was six months before I got any real self esteem back, instead I spiraled into a depression, certain there was something inherently wrong with me.

I later realized these were calculated moves, for some reason SNAP discouraged me from the start from participating, but I persisted, and found out SNAP did the same thing to many other victims.

I came to call them the anti-network. As in there is gravity and anti-gravity. There is the idea of a support group and there is the anti-support group...

************
NO ONE is above criticism, not even SNAP. Many of the victims I've talked to around the world agree with me, that some of the things SNAP does, such as leafletting at First Communion ceremonies make victims look bad in the end. SNAP performs like a counter-network, takes counter-intuitive steps, and takes on projects that eliminate most victims from participating.

For example, leafleting outside churches. Many pedophile priest victims have physical reactions when they go near Catholic icons like statues and cathedrals, so we cannot even participate in SNAP media events outside churches. Yet no matter how much we request leafletting somewhere else, SNAP ignores our input and just keeps going back to cathedrals to leaflet. No matter what the victims say from the grass roots, SNAP has an agenda, written by "someone," and SNAP does what it does, ignoring the suggestions of its "members."

And looking back now, in 2011, it's obvious to me.

By arranging for all our protests to take place outside church properties, SNAP is doing the church's bidding. Every time SNAP met outside the Cathedral in Los Angeles to conduct a media event, the cardinal's security guards were there watching everything we said and did. Security cameras were pointed at us so that anyone inside the cardinal's office, even Roger Mahony himself, could see what victims showed up for the SNAP event, what we said, what we did.

By holding events at churches and no place else, SNAP assured that the bishops knew everything the survivors said and did.

While putting out a public image of advocacy for victims, SNAP was working for the Catholic Church all along.

**************

The thing is, if SNAP told me lies, misdirected me from the moment I started asking questions, and I'm one journalist / survivor, how many other writers and reporters were misdirected by SNAP, and why?

If anything, I know making these statements makes me look petty in some people's eyes. If it was about me-me-me, believe me, I would not have posted this story.

It's about me not wanting to see the same mistakes and screw-ups continue, which is apparently part of the SNAP plan, screw up continuously, so it looks like they are doing advocacy work, when what they are really doing is keeping a lid on the story, as much as possible.

When I suggested an idea, SNAP leaders contacted me and said I was whining or sitting on a pity pot. One of SNAP's most vocal midwest spokesmen hounded me with great vigor.

And the "selfish, Me-Me-Me" idea I proposed:

Set up a trust, a fund made up of donations from settlements, and let survivors who did not get settlements apply to the fund for grants.

What's wrong with that idea? How is that just caring about me-me-me and being on a pity pot?

I think it's a damn good idea, and something SNAP should have done and still couuld do.

But there's Snap-Minnesota screaming at me that I'm on a pity pot and all I care about is me-me-me if I say why not set up a trust for the rest of the victims.

Knee jerk reaction.

*****

(The following was written in Feb. 2010, when SNAP Minnesota had ramped up his online harrassment of me.)

Having the strangest experience.

It's over. I think...

I doubt I'll post another word at City of Angels.

I did what I came for. I identified the problem and wrote about it, reported it here.

Now, I can't hang around while almost everyone else working in this area is not only drinking the Kool-Aid but drunk on it.

If people prefer to believe what they are told instead of what they see, there's not much more I have to write on this topic.

I'm a chameleon, always have been, and it's real obvious, the way I feel, that another change is coming, and City of Angels is done.

I did what I came here for, identified the problem, and until the rest of us see and deal with the problem, I can't function in this "community."

City of Angels was run from the beginning on nudges. They're gone now. They left this morning.

There's nothing more to say. Until other people see what I see, there's nothing more I can say.

I am also, I will admit, going a little nuts. I don't just think David and Barbara are from the Church. I'm getting so every person I talk to on the phone or through email through this blog is an undercover agent from the church, or from David and Barbara.

Maybe if I just write here for a while and stop answering my phone...

****

I Ended Up Having to do the Blog All Alone
I Thought It Was Me, Something Inherently Wrong With Me, that caused other victims to run the other direction.

Then I realized
Whenever I interviewed victims by phone, at first they would be enthused and ready to continue developing their story with me.
Then next time I called, they would not take my call.

I anguished over that, it hurt, it defeated me.

Then I realized there was always one common denominator, one thing that each of those persons did in between the first and second call.

They had contact with David or Barbara, executives from SNAP.

***

(From Feb. 2010:)

There has also been this eerie strange experience I've had since first starting City of Angels blog back in Jan. 2007 (in spite of SNAP's obstruction.

Not long into working on the blog, I'd have this experience, at first I noted it and kind of was left with this, what happened, feeling. When it happened 12, 15 times I began to really notice it and make note of it. Now it happens all the time, with about two exceptions.

I'm talking to a survivor somewhere in the US over the phone, we are getting along great. We make plans to talk again about this or that at a time in the future. I call that person when we are supposed to talk again, and they will not return my call, ever...

Okay, one of the very first times this happened was early in the life of the blog, I was talking to a survivor in New Mexico, his case was current so we could not post the details, but he talked to me at length. He told me he also was real active in AA as a sponsor.

He said, "If you ever need to talk to me about anything, especially these issues, call anytime, because I know how important that contact with another human being is, so I'll return your call no matter what I'm doing, as soon as possible."

Okay that's not a direct quote. Point is he emphasized he would call me back.

He also was very close and in regular contact with David Clohessy.

I called back when we had arranged, he would not return the call. I tried a few more times, then gave up, and took it personally. In early 2007 I was not the self contained person I am today even. Three years back i was barely able to get a sentence out of my mouth...

Okay. It happened then again in states and regions all over the country, the exact same pattern. When a survivor who I'm talking to is in the middle of working with me on a story for the future at City of Angels, or even we are just talking as I need human contact SO BAD in my life right now.

We'll be goign along fine.

Then there is that interaction on their end with SNAP.

From that time on, the person will not call me back again.

This has happened now so many times that what I do now is I wait and see how long it will be before it happens. It happens ALL THE TIME.

Either someone is getting to survivors and telling them not to talk to me, which I know happened in Los Angeles in 2006, SNAP leaders in L.A. have been quoted to me saying, "Don't have anything to do with that crazy lady in Hollywood" to most people in SNAP. I still am stymied by that as well...

Off topic.

At first when people stopped calling me back, I took it personally. Then it became obvious something was going on.

My favorite was on the SNAP cruise, where about six antagonistic people went to Ensenada and back in 2008, it was supposed to be a fund raiser but there was -- six people or so went.

This one guy, he spent two to three hours telling me his whole life story and how it was affected by serial sodomy rape by a sickening German surnamed priest who is among the L.A. perpetrators.

We had this long talk. Plus the guy was my age, educated, I thought we really connected. We sat there both of us crying on a chaise lounge on the cruise ship.

Then he goes off to do something with SNAP which I think had to do with money management, as it was mostly people who had just gotten settlements who were the target of the cruise.

I got to go on the cruise because someone gave me his ticket, he could not refund it, he'd already paid for it then had to work, so I got to go on the cruise.

Boy was I not welcome there, but I tolerated it to experience a cruise one time.

Okay.

That night at dinner I see the guy who had just poured his heart out to me, bonded with me on a shared serial child rape basis.

I say the beginning of one sentence to him and he turns his back, abrupt, says something like, I don't want to talk to you about this anymore, totally shines me on.

I sit there with this person near me at the dinner table who is bristling angry at me, and have no idea why.

****

The first time it happened and I knew I was not imagining it, was a phone call I was having with this one guy from Southern California in the 2006-7 settlements who was also real active in SNAP. We were talkign along, talkign along, making plans to meet soon, sharing our archdiocesical rages.

Then in the middle of a sentence he goes, "Wait, oh, wha- wait, you're that Kay, you're that Kay? Oh, hold on, I gotta go."

And he never spoke to me again.

Lucky for me, he was not good at subterfuge at all. It was so blatant that someone had told him not to talk to me. That is the moment when it became more of an experience than a hurtful thing. I could be objective.

But still to this day is this niggling feeling inside, what is wrong with me. My personality is so bad that 99 percent of the survivors I talk to who are involved with SNAP do not call me back after they talk to someone at SNAP about me?

Is it that I am so disgusting that no one wants to talk to me after the first time?

Or is it SNAP telling them to have nothing to do with me.

I mean which makes more sense to you. Or SNARL as I dubbed them in the Fiction piece over Christmas, and I hope now people who read this will start to understand how I came to the place where I started calling them SNARL instead of SNAP.

Actually look at the comments Bob Schwiderski put on the Sunday post at City of Angels 8. He is snarling right there in print, not much different from emails I used to get from Mary Grant.

The nudges are back.

********

Cut from opening:

Thing is as long as I feel this way about SNAP I can't function in the "survivor community" as 80 percent of survivors tell me they are having a good experience with them. I don't know what the criteria is for who gets treated well by SNAP and who doesn't, I just know that the line is definitely drawn, and a lot of people get this same, they don't want me around feeling that I used to get in 2006, I just am so persistent, and yes, it struck me as ... so counter intuitive, for an organization that is supposed to be empowering crime victims to treat some of the victims so bad.

In some cases we are the wildest weirdest ones, the survivors who don't look good on camera, as I was in 2006. Thing is now that I've been doing City of Angels for three years, I've turned into this confident person. In reality it's the most damaged, broke, half homeless ones who need the most support and attention, yet we are the ones who get snubbed the most.

I used to think it was about money, the survivors who get treated well are the ones who have active cases that are going to end up in big settlements.

I don't know that for sure, because EVERY TIME I've been in conversation with survivors who are heading for big settlements, this David Clohessy or Someone intervention takes place.

I doubt it's the Church intervening. Most survivors would not listen to what a representative of the Church tells them to do.

But they will enthusiastically and reverently do what Clohessy or one of the others in the SNAP regional heirarchy tell them to do....

All this stuff I'm writing here is how I came to the conclusion that at the top, out of St. Louis, SNAP is run by the Roman Catholic Church, and the survivors have just been through years of Crowd Control, and News Information Management.

The only thing they screwed up with this plan is they did not count on the Internet, and survivors finding each other

IN SPITE of SNAP.

And me. I kept digging. And I kept trying to tell myself I was imagining it until it was SO RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, I could not see it as anything else.

So when survivors are still in that place where they have given a kind of Saint-quality to the individuals who run SNAP, they cannot understand how I could bad rap them.

It's the ones who call me with this same complaint that stymies me, as the weird treatment of survivors by SNAP is almost the same in every city.

In fact, when I first wrote about that strange snub in Fall 2009, where SNAP held a Gus Krumm press event in Orange County without mentioning that City of Angels broke the story, I got several emails from people who have been around a long time, old Linkup Members, and phone calls too, telling me, honey, SNAP has done that to so many survivors, you are not all that weird, don't feel like the Lone Ranger
.

I do feel alone with it right now, as I'm still only one of about three who is willing to say it in print, and use my name, from the dozens of victims I've spoken to who see that SNAP is a sham.

But right now there are so many survivors and advocates angry with me for writing this, that I can't even make a phone call to develop a story.

Thing is, as long as I keep researching, this niggling thing comes up. Something is wrong with SNAP and maybe I haven't figured it totally out, but there is definitely something wrong. And now that I've gone this far, I'm not going to stop, until someone looks into it.

There's more.

For those survivors who are already in a perplexed state like I was in 2006-2008 when I just couldn't figure out why SNAP does what it does, try this formula.

Take all your confusion about SNAP and add one element to the equation, that they are doing it on purpose, that they want to screw up press events and want to discourage survivors from continuing to participate.

Then all of a sudden all your confusion and questions are answered, as it all falls in place. If they really are counter-espionage, created by the bishops as far back as the late 1980s as a way to keep the lid on this story.

Add that concept into your experience with SNAP and suddenly- it's like reconciliation.

Everything falls into place.

Everything makes sense.

They left the survivors standing on a sidewalk with no one in washington and Florida? The way they tried to stifle me from covering L.A. Clergy Case hearings.

Just apply the idea that SNAP is really from the Church to your experience so far.

See if the same thing doesn't happen to you.

Suddenly it all makes sense, it all adds up.

And there was only one group of persons in the mid-1980s who knew how many crime victims there were, who knew they had to do something to keep us from really becoming a powerful force, who knew they had to insinuate themselves into the group of survivors who were already starting to find each ohter.

Only one group knew in advance how many of us there are and that they had to do something to contain us:

The US Conference of Roman Catholic bishops.

************

Oh yeah, David Clohessy. When I was in SNAP San Francisco in 1995, a leader there was confused, "Who the hell is this guy?" he said about Clohessy who seemed to appear out of the blue to take over the job of executive director and run SNAP.

Turns out David's brother Kevin was an accused pedophile priest, who secretly entered rehab for pedo priests in St. Louis (Probably the Paracletes).

Father Kevin Clohessy secretly entered rehab about the same time, mid-1990s, as David Clohessy was placed in his position as Director of SNAP.

I find that fact very revealing.

In the years I tried to write this blog, I came up against obstruction over and over, not from the Church, but from SNAP, particularly Clohessy. Today I think it is no coincidence that David's brother Kevin went into secret treatment for being a pedophile priest at the same time David took over as "director" of this counter-intelligence organization SNAP.

I think SNAP was created by the American bishops in the mid 1980s to run "damage control." They appear to be doing advocacy for victims, what they really are doing is keeping the victims under control, stepping in to run the story wherever it breaks in the USA, and beating down any survivors who seem determined to do advocacy above and beyond what SNAP is doing, with the agenda it has, an agenda created by God only knows who.

With the advent of the internet in the mid-1990s, whoever runs SNAP decided they needed a second "leader" in place besides Barbara Blaine, so they brought in Clohessy. From St. Louis, Clohessy intervenes whenever the pedophile priest story breaks in the news, anywhere in the USA. Before a second story gets into the news, Clohessy has established himself as the "spokesman" the press should go to for the story.

And all they ever get is the same bland quotes. Clohessy has been saying the same quotes about "protecting kids" and "callous behavior" of the bishops for more than 15 years. Quotes from Clohessy never say more than what has already been reported in the news.

Or my favorite, SNAP will criticize the Church for being "too secretive" and for responding to the clery abuse scandal with "more of the same" when being secretive and churning out more of the same is exactly what SNAP does.

It's damage control, calculated and carried out very cleverly.

SNAP is not an advocacy group, it runs damage control for the Church.

The main reason City of Angels is not publishing much anymore is if SNAP sees a survivor who is vocal and determined to be an activist in spite of SNAP, they will find ways beat you down and beat you down until you finally have no choice but to stop.

Then over the figurative beaten down body of the one activist survivor, SNAP will hold another press event and the world will hear about all the great work they are doing.

Oh if only some reporters with real curiosity would uncover this whole truth.

How did Clohessy end up as director at the same time his brother secretly went into therapy as a pedophile priest, for example.

Why does almost every survivor who is vocal and active in the "movement" end up disappearing and fading into a depressed silence while the handful of people who run SNAP keep going and going with all the resources they need for every trip and media event? (I've spoken to several of the victims who dropped out of the movement. Guess what? They felt in many cases that they were "vibed away" by Blaine and Clohessy. Surprise surprise)

Meanwhile expect a few more years of press statements calling the Church "reckless and callous" when the Church is actually a criminal enterprise. But if its victims are willing to stand behind "reckless and callous" then no one will see a need to prosecute.

Expect a few more years of press events taking place in front of cathedrals and Catholic offices, so the Church's security can watch and record everything the victims do when they get together there.

Expect a few more years of SNAP breezing into towns to conduct media events, gather up all the names of new victims and press contacts, then breeze back out of town leaving the local victims with no new information. Then all that contact information, names of new victims and reporters interested in doing stories, goes back to St. Louis and we never hear anything about them again.

All the names and media contact information ends up in a sinkhole somewhere between Chicago and St. Louis and all hundred thousand victims are left with no real voice, no real advocacy, and no stories developed in the media beyond the flurry of shallow responses covering SNAP's media events.

Same thing they were doing in the late 1990s, they are still doing in the 2010's, giving the appearance of advocacy, when in reality they are conducting damage control.

********************

Response to one of many recent emails:

They lied to me about the L.A. Clergy case pretrial hearings. They tried to divert me away from covering them. Clohessy tap dances instead of answering questions

I didn't stumble in here stoned and get mad 'cause no one liked me.

I was pulling on my Journalism skills from one of many careers I sabotaged to try to get this story out.

SNAP was diversionary and untruthful to me As A Journalist not only as a Survivor.

How many other reporters have gotten that same treatment? Makes me wonder if that's why this story has fizzled when it should ahve exploded.

I have many damn good reasons for being suspicious of them, please read what I am writing at http://cityofangels2.blogspot.com/ before telling me this is internal bickering or me being upset about being snubbed.

How can it be internal bickering when there is nothing to be inside of? The "survivor community" is a hologram. Great image, but when you reach out for it, there is nothing there.

***********

Too many unanswered questions and too much power (The Vatican) behind them for one lone blogger to uncover on her own. I feel a lot safer if I just drop it. I did not feel safe towards the end of City of Angels Blog's life. I felt like the more I wrote, the harder they would fight me to stop me.

I honestly became afraid to continue.

**********************************

I know what I am saying is really far out and unbelievable. But think of who the bad guys are in this story...

************************************

God, this is unfolding in layers. As soon as one element gets out and written down another one comes up.

Pacing around my home in early 2009, really working at calling lots of survivors around the country to develop stories for City of Angels.

I actually hollered into the phone, "God, no, I don't want to talk about that.

"Don'tn tell me that. Don't tell me it happened to you, no not again." Still the conversation would inevitably go there.

The obstacle that always ended up being up in front of us was SNAP in St. Louis, the support organization that was supposed to be making things happen.

"No, I really don't want to hear that," I said many times, "or bring that up again, it makes my blood pressure rise too much."

I didn't set out with City of Angels to write this part of the story, it just became to me, the most important story to tell.

It would always come up. The thing that stopped us, the thing that kept the project from being a success. It was always SNAP.

Obstructionist was the word that I kept writing in notes around mid-2008.

In early 2009 when it seemed everywhere I looked I'd see more signs that something was wrong at a shadow level with SNAP, it even affected me physically. I started shaking uncontrollably and it lasted days. I laid in bed shaking, taking muscle relaxants to keep from flying over the edge of the balcony.

Shaking.

Then with time it stopped, and I went back to telling myself, it can't be true. No one could be that sinister, devious, evil.

yes they can.

*****
*
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

One of my most prolific critics says I'm after David Clohessy's job. No. I would never want to run a nonprofit, I'm not a hand-shaker, I don't mix, I don't even like most humans anymore and look forward to leaving the planet soon.

I didn't have any agenda when those posts came out Sunday, they just came out. It's my experience, i didn't make it up. Maybe I should deny what happened to me and pretend it didn't so people will like me better?

My critic snarls that I'm jealous because "Clohessy is the most quoted man in the clerical child abuse movement" and that made me laugh so hard and so long out loud.

My critic revealed the problem.

"Most quoted man"?

Good PR results in a change in public thinking and policy.

That emailer was so totally from some other place and time, that I laughed so loud and so long...

**********

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

*****************

I've had this experience before, as a journalist, in fact I'm lucky I have, as the scars are all calloused from those times and this one I can just take.

I'd write a column saying something I saw and the result was outrage from the readers. Letter writing campaigns against me. Other columnists writing columns about how wrong I was.

Ostrasizing even.

Then five years later pretty much everyone knows and is saying the same thing that got me ostracized.

If anyone questions what I wrote Sunday and since, just look at this weird reaction I'm getting, it kind of proves what I wrote.

I mean Minnesota SNAP produced a video to snarl at me and sent it to five hundred people. And I'm not surprised. It's the level of intimidation a lot of survivors experience with them, and this is what will happen if you dare to criticize SNAP.

They really do Snarl.

***********

The Unfolding Continues
Brain still processing...

I'm even beginning to think the Support Group experience Summer 2008 at the SNAP conference ties into this scheme to beat me down. The time I was left standing alone in the hallway door slammed on me, thrown out of the Women's Saturday night breakaway event. Left feeling two inches high because of a support group? And all SNAP did about it was keep me from writing about it, that night.

It took me six months at least to recuperate.

Now I'm beginning to think that experience tied in somehow as well, it was a very strange thing.

Another Unfolding:

One of the highest Snappers said something very strange to me at the conference that did not make sense, and it's niggled at me now and then, but I've tried not to dwell on it. Then I realized he was so tied into thish effort to slam me down. He might even be the one writing the script.

All of a sudden that weird thing he said to me a year and a half ago makes sense.

Because that person is in the middle of it.

I'm standing today in my kitchen or wherever and these added elements pop into my head and I go, hmm, yeah, now it makes sense.

Another thing that same very high level SNAP person who is also an attorney said was, "Every time you put a post up at City of Angels, I go there right away and read it from beginning to end."

I thought he was complimenting me, now I see he was telling me, I'm an attorney, and I'm reading every single line you write, carefully.

I thought it was a friendly remark.

Since then he hasn't been too friendly. So it was another thing that just didn't make sense.

Until now.

Now that I realize he might be the one writing the script, I'm looking at both his comments a different way.

Things that didn't add up for so long.

Suddenly do.

Reconciliation
.
****
I'm still working this out in my head. What I'm trying to explain is I think SNAP has had a full out effort going from the beginning to keep City of Angels from happening. It just got so bad that I could barely develop stories for the blog, because so many people would not call me back. Plus, the repeated stories from around the country that I wasn't soliciting. Instead it was more like people felt so glad they finally had someone they could pour out to the bad experiences they had with SNAP.

I stuffed this part of the story down for three years for the exact reasons Bob Hoatson and Tom Doyle got on me for writing it, because I thought it would be bad for the "movement" to put this in print. But truth is there really is no movement to hurt, and that's my point.

What movement?

I've been reeling in the middle of this so long it did not add up in my head. Spewing it all out in a blog on Super Bowl Sunday has... repositioned me. Now I'm looking at all this stuff, and I don't doubt for a minute that I've pointed out something seriously wrong. Don't know if it's the bishops who are writing the script and doing everything they can to keep survivors on point and in line.

But someone is.

*************

Strangest of all in all this week's stuff is no one has validated the weird experience I had or helped explain what happened. It wasn't fun going through this the whole last three years, and the harangue from Minnesota from Sunday seems to have finally stopped on Friday morning. (Except now he's just emailing me.) Kind of proved my point.

No one has explained that maybe I misunderstood and SNAP wasn't trying to steer me away from covering the Clergy Cases in L.A. and then when I persisted anyway, they weren't trying to intimidate me into not covering the hearings. They haven't said, no, Kay, we haven't done that, we aren't trying to stifle City of Angels with contacts around the country.

Just show me I'm wrong, I'll write a mea culpa.

Instead there was a four-day effort to scare me into silence.

Oh, by the way in the two in depth interviews on the story of David C's life that have showed up this week, he doesn't mention his brother the pedophile priest again. I still think that is very weird, it's a major part of the dynamic of his work at SNAP, whether he even realizes it.

It would make his story more interesting even.

If there really was a network of support, all the survivors in far flung places who have tried to start things on their own would be part of it, and a network would really be great because we could reach out and encourage each other, share resources. None of that is happening in SNAP. Instead survivors like me who try to do something on their own are left all alone to do it with out even a nod of acknowledgement from SNAP. Then our projects are either usurped or smothered.

I wrote it all at City of Angels 2.

Funny, when i first arrived here in 2006 and was finding people at the SNAP message board, there were a couple of guys there that were like madmen. They kept hollering, SNAP is the bishops SNAP is the bishops. Now I too have degenerated into one of those insane survivors who are standing outside hollering, SNAP is the bishops, SNAP is the bishops.

The end of the world is Ni.

Soylent Green is People.

If not the bishops, someone is writing a script and keeping anyone from deviating from it, and that's plain weird.

*****

They are determined to intimidate people into not talking. Donald Steier has been more decent to me than hierarchy from SNAP as I've done City of Angels the last three years. He's the lawyer who defends all the predator priests.

The question no one seems to see I'm asking is, why did SNAP try to stop me from covering the LA Clergy cases in 2007, why did they tap dance or outright give me false information, trying to intimidate me then to not write about the cases.

Wow, just realized, in Januray 2007, the tone of the emails from Mary Grant was exactly the same as these Snarls I'm getting now from Minnesota SNAP. Minneapolis SNAP.

Wow, this is taking a turn I never predicted, I just knew I couldn't be silent any longer, I didn't wake up on Super Bowl Sunday saying, time to lash out. I woke up saying, I can't not write this and not post it any longer, when it comes up everywhere I loook and it is not going away.

Readers can figure it out for themselves, just look at what is happening.

SNAP does do a great job of getting plaintiffs to attorneys, and in that respect they do help survivors.

But the lawsuits also keep the truth secret.

************
So SNAP doesn't deny all this happened. They just want me to stop writing about it.

**************

.
I was wrong. Minnesota SNAP is still sending out the video, now in mac format for those who don't have PCs. He's calling it an "out-reach" [sic] video.

Someone sicced this man on me and no one is stopping him. As totally out of line as what he is doing, and no one is telling him to stop.

I'm telling a painful truth and they are doing everything they can to stop me.

Just like SNAP's treatment of me Jan 2007 when they tried to stop me from starting then continuing City of Angels.

They go behind the scenes and SNARL at survivors, freak most of us out so bad we run away and never come back.
.
***********
.
Now MN SNAP is emailing me that if I feel "ostrasized" it must be because it's true. Thanks, SNAP Minnesota for once again showing me, and now the world, the way SNAP treats many survivors.

Bob's latest email:

"How many times do you need to be ostracized (your word) before you stop - look - listen to what so many others are trying to tell you ? If none in a room full of people don't agree with you, stop - look - listen to them. Sadly, you look at a helping hand as being ostracized, stop - look - listen."

There hasn't been anything even resembling a helping hand offered, but he sure is determined to shut me up.

And where the hell is this roomful of people?

SNAP in Minnesota is writing this to me.

SNAP is saying: How dare you point out the nine thousand pound gorilla in the room?

******
Here's another of his emails, this yesterday:

"If you feel intimidated it is because you are uncomfortable with the can of worms you have opened on yourself."

I didn't arrive at this conclusion in a vaccum.

Anyone who can has valid genuine contributions to make to the conversation, I will gladly listen to.

But, Bob, only reason I'm going to open your emails anymore is to copy and paste them and post them here so everyone can see them.

Just like I put my true feelings up here for everyone to see, even though I knew there would be responses like Bob's, I just did not expect it so blatantly from one of the SNAP official "leaders."

The email to me from people who are just "people" has been more like Nine to One encouraging me and thanking me.

That was a surprise. I thought I had self destructed by going public with this.

So City of Angels is not Dead, it's just resting.
.
Good public relations would put our thousands of faces in the news media, and all our stories. What we have instead is "the most quoted man in the clergy sex abuse movement," brags Bob's video. I didn't listen to much past that, as it was not addressing what I wrote. Bob's video was a reaction wo what he thought I was saying, then he didn't bother to read the entire experience, just reacted to the first paragraph or so.

It poured out over days, it will probably pour out more, there's a lot to the story of my weird experience with SNAP.

As to ostracizing, I was ostracized already, before I wrote the stuff last week.

And since when is Shunning a cool practice?

And why are SO MANY people emailing me and thanking me for coming out with this?

****************
At least I put my allegations out in public, written here for everyone to read. The organization I criticize takes most its steps in secret. So which one would you believe?

**********

ALSO:
Saturday, February 13, 2010

Docs in SNAP Group Leaders Packet 1997 scanned here
.UPDATE: The group I ran in SF was 1997, not 1995, sorry for the error. Here are some docs that came with the Leadership Packet and a press release I sent out about the group I was running in the SF Public Library.

***************

I'm real busy at work, can't spend too much time on this right now, but two clicks at the IRS found me this, in FAQs

Q: In general, what public disclosure requirements apply to tax-exempt organizations?

A: In general, exempt organizations must make available for public inspection certain annual returns and applications for exemption, and must provide copies of such returns and applications to individuals who request them.

Copies usually must be provided immediately in the case of in-person requests, and within 30 days in the case of written requests. The tax-exempt organization may charge a reasonable copying fee plus actual postage, if any.

*****
So why has SNAP always said to me, I'll get right back to ya, and then they never do?

It's LAW they HAVE to show their financial papers.

Click here for IRS policy on nonprofits reporting their finances to the public. By law they have to, simply because they are not paying taxes, no further conversation should be needed.
http://www.irs.gov/charities/article/0,,id=214271,00.html

Yet David Clohessy tap danced instead of sending me these docs when I requested them over and over again for at least three weeks in Spring of 2008.

He said, "I have no idea, I have nothing to do with the money," then said he didn't even know who on the SNAP staff to ask for the documents, he would find out and get back to me, but he was totally in the dark about money at SNAP.

Did he really think I'm that stupid?

?????
*********************

(A Lot of copy and pasting from here down in this post, a lot of redundancy. Someday I'll come back in here and clean this up, cut out the repetition, and fix the typos. Not today.)

********************************

I remember the moment, in Pershing Square, a vigil while the bishops held their national meeting in the L.A. Biltmore across the street. I was disheveled, bloated and fat and self esteem? None. This was my second time finding SNAP. First time I'd been a warrior, moved a hundred miles to be closer to a SNAP meeting in Oakland, started a second daytime meeting in San Francisco. Wrote letters, started printing things out that I found on this new thing the Internet.

Mid 1990s.

Now it was 2006, there had been a murder in my family so I hadn't done SNAP for several years, now I could come back, all the chaos and insanity in that part of my life was finally ending and I could start paying attention to this priest thing again.

Barbara Blaine who sat next to Mary Grant and I finally got a chance to talk to them. I was in awe of them, gazing up at them, probably looked pretty pathetic.

I said, "It feels so good to be able to send out a letter to the editor and sign it Kay Ebeling, SNAP Los Angeles."

Blaine and Grant looked at each other then looked at me, and said simultaneously:

"You can't."

Then they explained why I couldn't say I was a member of SNAP but I really don't remember what the reasoning was. Just that I gave them the authority, figured they must know what they are doing, so they must be right.

So, for all the people who tell me, just do something on your own and call it SNAP like they did, you are forgetting that you started that in the 1990s or early 2000s.

Apparently SNAP has changed since then, it's much more controlled from the top, there are a lot more secrets kept than were in 1995.

So as I said, I'm writing what my experience was. Not to whine or ask for pity, but to point out that no one in this movement deserves sainthood. Everyone among us deserves to be criticized if they are putting out false information.

Saying SNAP is a "support network" is two false statements. The support is not really there. And the network does not exist at all, it's a hologram.

I know people are rankled but as long as it's impossible to point out anything SNAP does wrong, they will continue to do things in "the way we've always done it," and the same mistakes get made.

NO ONE is above criticism.

Even me. I hear it and consider it when it's legitimate.

If SNAP told me lies, misdirected me, and I'm one journalist / survivor, it makes me really wonder how many other people were misdirected by SNAP, and why.

If anything, I know making these statements makes me look petty in some people's eyes. If it was about me-me-me, believe me, I would not have posted this story.

It's about me not wanting to see the same mistakes and screw-ups continue. It's about me saying, why doesn't someone go in and reorganize, update, and set genuine Goals at SNAP instead of just letting it continue in its constant state of disarray.

How is that whining or pity potting. One of SNAP's most vocal midwest spokesmen is hounding me now that I'm on a pity pot.

And my idea:

Set up a trust, a fund from donations from settlements, and let survivors who did not get settlements apply to the fund for grants.

What's wrong with that idea? how is that just caring about me-me-me and being on a pity pot?

I think it's a damn good idea, and something SNAP should have done and still couuld do.

But there's Mr. Snap from Minnesota screaming at me that I'm on a pity pot and all I care about is me-me-me if I say why not set up a trust for the rest of the victims.

Knee jerk reaction.

Nothing will improve until we fix the broken parts.

Having the strangest experience.

It's over. I think...

I doubt I'll post another word at City of Angels.

I did what I came for. I identified the problem and wrote about it, reported it here.

Now, I can't hang around while almost everyone else working in this area is not only drinking the Kool-Aid but drunk on it.

If people prefer to believe what they are told instead of what they see, there's not much more I have to write on this topic.

I'm a chameleon, always have been, and it's real obvious, the way I feel, that another change is coming, and City of Angels is done.

I did what I came here for, identified the problem, and until the rest of us see and deal with the problem, I can't function in this "community."

City of Angels was run from the beginning on nudges. They're gone now. They left this morning.

There's nothing more to say. Until other people see what I see, there's nothing more I can say.

ke
****

I am also, I will admit, going a little nuts. I don't just think David and Barbara are from the Church. I'm getting so every person I talk to on the phone or through email through this blog is an undercover agent from the church, or from David and Barbara.

Maybe if I just write here for a while and stop answering my phone...

****

There has also been this eerie strange experience I've had since first starting City of Angels blog back in Jan. 2007 (in spite of SNAP's obstruction, which I already wrote about here yesterday).

Not long into working on the blog, I'd have this experience, at first I noted it and kind of was left with this, what happened, feeling. When it happened 12, 15 times I began to really notice it and make note of it. Now it happens all the time, with about two exceptions.

I'm talking to a survivor somewhere in the US over the phone, we are getting along great. We make plans to talk again about this or that at a time in the future. I call that person when we are supposed to talk again, and they will not return my call, ever...

Okay, one of the very first times this happened was early in the life of the blog, I was talking to a survivor in New Mexico, his case was current so we could not post the details, but he talked to me at length. He told me he also was real active in AA as a sponsor.

He said, "If you ever need to talk to me about anything, especially these issues, call anytime, because I know how important that contact with another human being is, so I'll return your call no matter what I'm doing, as soon as possible."

Okay that's not a direct quote. Point is he emphasized he would call me back.

He also was very close and in regular contact with David Clohessy.

I called back when we had arranged, he would not return the call. I tried a few more times, then gave up, and took it personally. In early 2007 I was not the self contained person I am today even. Three years back i was barely able to get a sentence out of my mouth...

Okay. It happened then again in states and regions all over the country, the exact same pattern. When a survivor who I'm talking to is in the middle of working with me on a story for the future at City of Angels, or even we are just talking as I need human contact SO BAD in my life right now.

We'll be goign along fine.

Then there is that interaction on their end with SNAP.

From that time on, the person will not call me back again.

This has happened now so many times that what I do now is I wait and see how long it will be before it happens. It happens ALL THE TIME.

Either someone is getting to survivors and telling them not to talk to me, which I know happened in Los Angeles in 2006, SNAP leaders in L.A. have been quoted to me saying, "Don't have anything to do with that crazy lady in Hollywood" to most people in SNAP. I still am stymied by that as well...

Off topic.

At first when people stopped calling me back, I took it personally. Then it became obvious something was going on.

My favorite was on the SNAP cruise, where about six antagonistic people went to Ensenada and back in 2008, it was supposed to be a fund raiser but there was -- six people or so went.

This one guy, he spent two to three hours telling me his whole life story and how it was affected by serial sodomy rape by a sickening German surnamed priest who is among the L.A. perpetrators.

We had this long talk. Plus the guy was my age, educated, I thought we really connected. We sat there both of us crying on a chaise lounge on the cruise ship.

Then he goes off to do something with SNAP which I think had to do with money management, as it was mostly people who had just gotten settlements who were the target of the cruise.

I got to go on the cruise because someone gave me his ticket, he could not refund it, he'd already paid for it then had to work, so I got to go on the cruise.

Boy was I not welcome there, but I tolerated it to experience a cruise one time.

Okay.

That night at dinner I see the guy who had just poured his heart out to me, bonded with me on a shared serial child rape basis.

I say the beginning of one sentence to him and he turns his back, abrupt, says something like, I don't want to talk to you about this anymore, totally shines me on.

I sit there with this person near me at the dinner table who is bristling angry at me, and have no idea why.

****

The first time it happened and I knew I was not imagining it, was a phone call I was having with this one guy from Southern California in the 2006-7 settlements who was also real active in SNAP. We were talkign along, talkign along, making plans to meet soon, sharing our archdiocesical rages.

Then in the middle of a sentence he goes, "Wait, oh, wha- wait, you're that Kay, you're that Kay? Oh, hold on, I gotta go."

And he never spoke to me again.

Lucky for me, he was not good at subterfuge at all. It was so blatant that someone had told him not to talk to me. That is the moment when it became more of an experience than a hurtful thing. I could be objective.

But still to this day is this niggling feeling inside, what is wrong with me. My personality is so bad that 99 percent of the survivors I talk to who are involved with SNAP do not call me back after they talk to someone at SNAP about me?

Is it that I am so disgusting that no one wants to talk to me after the first time?

Or is it SNAP telling them to have nothing to do with me.

I mean which makes more sense to you. Or SNARL as I dubbed them in the Fiction piece over Christmas, and I hope now people who read this will start to understand how I came to the place where I started calling them SNARL instead of SNAP.

Actually look at the comments Bob Schwiderski put on the Sunday post at City of Angels 8. He is snarling right there in print, not much different from emails I used to get from Mary Grant.

The nudges are back.

********

Cut from opening:

Thing is as long as I feel this way about SNAP I can't function in the "survivor community" as 80 percent of survivors tell me they are having a good experience with them. I don't know what the criteria is for who gets treated well by SNAP and who doesn't, I just know that the line is definitely drawn, and a lot of people get this same, they don't want me around feeling that I used to get in 2006, I just am so persistent, and yes, it struck me as ... so counter intuitive, for an organization that is supposed to be empowering crime victims to treat some of the victims so bad.

In some cases we are the wildest weirdest ones, the survivors who don't look good on camera, as I was in 2006. Thing is now that I've been doing City of Angels for three years, I've turned into this confident person. In reality it's the most damaged, broke, half homeless ones who need the most support and attention, yet we are the ones who get snubbed the most.

I used to think it was about money, the survivors who get treated well are the ones who have active cases that are going to end up in big settlements.

I don't know that for sure, because EVERY TIME I've been in conversation with survivors who are heading for big settlements, this David Clohessy or Someone intervention takes place.

I doubt it's the Church intervening. Most survivors would not listen to what a representative of the Church tells them to do.

But they will enthusiastically and reverently do what Clohessy or one of the others in the SNAP regional heirarchy tell them to do....

All thish stuff I'm writing here is how I came to the conclusion that at the top, out of St. Louis, SNAP is run by the Roman Catholic Church, and the survivors have just been through years of Crowd Control, and News Information Management.

The only thing they screwed up with this plan is they did not count on the Internet, and survivors finding each other

IN SPITE of SNAP.

And me. I kept digging. And I kept trying to tell myself I was imagining it until it was SO RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, I could not see it as anything else.

So when survivors are still in that place where they have given a kind of Saint-quality to the individuals who run SNAP, they cannot understand how I could bad rap them.

It's the ones who call me with this same complaint that stymies me, as the weird treatment of survivors by SNAP is almost the same in every city.

In fact, when I first wrote about that strange snub in Fall 2009, where SNAP held a Gus Krumm press event in Orange County without mentioning that City of Angels broke the story, I got several emails from people who have been around a long time, old Linkup Members, and phone calls too, telling me, honey, SNAP has done that to so many survivors, you are not all that weird, don't feel like the Lone Ranger
.

I do feel alone with it right now, as I'm still the only one of about three willing to say it in print, and use my name.

But right now there are so many survivors and advocates angry with me for writing this, that I can't even make a phone call to develop a story.

Thing is, as long as I keep researching, this niggling thing comes up. Something is wrong with SNAP and maybe I haven't figured it totally out, but there is definitely something wrong. And now that I've gone this far, I'm not going to stop, until someone looks into it.

There's more.

For those survivors who are already in a perplexed state like I was in 2006-2008 when I just couldn't figure out why SNAP does what it does, try this formula.

Take all your confusion about SNAP and add one element to the equation, that they are doing it on purpose, that they want to screw up press events and want to discourage survivors from continuing to participate.

Then all of a sudden all your confusion and questions are answered, as it all falls in place. If they really are counter-espionage, created by the bishops as far back as the late 1980s as a way to keep the lid on this story.

Add that concept into your experience with SNAP and suddenly- it's like reconciliation.

Everything falls into place.

Everything makes sense.

They left the survivors standing on a sidewalk with no one in washington and Florida? The way they tried to stifle me from covering L.A. Clergy Case hearings.

Just apply the idea that SNAP is really from the Church to your experience so far.

See if the same thing doesn't happen to you.

Suddenly it all makes sense, it all adds up.

And there was only one group of persons in the mid-1980s who knew how many crime victims there were, who knew they had to do something to keep us from really becoming a powerful force, who knew they had to insinuate themselves into the group of survivors who were already starting to find each ohter.

Only one group knew in advance how many of us there are and that they had to do something to contain us:

The US Conference of Roman Catholic bishops.

************

Response to one of many recent emails:

They lied to me about the L.A. Clergy case pretrial hearings. They tried to divert me away from covering them. Clohessy tap dances instead of answering questions

I didn't stumble in here stoned and get mad 'cause no one liked me.

I was pulling on my J skills to try to get this story out.

SNAP was diversionary and untruthful to me As A Journalist not only as a Survivor.

How many other reporters have gotten that same treatment? Makes me wonder if that's why this story has fizzled when it should ahve exploded.

I have many damn good reasons for being suspicious of them, please read what I am writing at http://cityofangels2.blogspot.com/ before telling me this is internal bickering or me being upset about being snubbed.

How can it be internal bickering when there is nothing to be inside of? The "survivor community" is a hologram. Great image, but when you reach out for it, there is nothing there.

*****
.
I know what I am saying is really far out and unbelievable. But think of who the bad guys are in this story...

Could be that things in SNAP have been so secretive and non-transparent that it makes a person inclined to suspect things are worse than they really are.

Best if from the beginning there are no secrets.

*****

.
God, this is unfolding in layers. As soon as one element gets out and written down another one comes up.

Pacing around my home in early 2009, really working at calling lots of survivors around the country to develop stories for City of Angels.

I actually hollered into the phone, "God, no, I don't want to talk about that.

"Don'tn tell me that. Don't tell me it happened to you, no not again." Still the conversation would inevitably go there.

The obstacle that always ended up being up in front of us was SNAP in St. Louis, the support organization that was supposed to be making things happen.

"No, I really don't want to hear that," I said many times, "or bring that up again, it makes my blood pressure rise too much."

I didn't set out with City of Angels to write this part of the story, it just became to me, the most important story to tell.

It would always come up. The thing that stopped us, the thing that kept the project from being a success. It was always SNAP.

Obstructionist was the word that I kept writing in notes around mid-2008.

In early 2009 when it seemed everywhere I looked I'd see more signs that something was wrong at a shadow level with SNAP, it even affected me physically. I started shaking uncontrollably and it lasted days. I laid in bed shaking, taking muscle relaxants to keep from flying over the edge of the balcony.

Shaking.

Then with time it stopped, and I went back to telling myself, it can't be true. No one could be that sinister, devious, evil.

yes they can.

*****
*
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

One of my most prolific critics says I'm after David Clohessy's job. No. I would never want to run a nonprofit, I'm not a hand-shaker, I don't mix, I don't even like most humans anymore and look forward to leaving the planet soon.

I didn't have any agenda when those posts came out Sunday, they just came out. It's my experience, i didn't make it up. Maybe I should deny what happened to me and pretend it didn't so people will like me better?

My critic snarls that I'm jealous because "Clohessy is the most quoted man in the clerical child abuse movement" and that made me laugh so hard and so long out loud.

My critic revealed the problem.

"Most quoted man"?

Good PR results in a change in public thinking and policy.

That emailer was so totally from some other place and time, that I laughed so loud and so long...

**********

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

*****************

I've had this experience before, as a journalist, in fact I'm lucky I have, as the scars are all calloused from those times and this one I can just take.

I'd write a column saying something I saw and the result was outrage from the readers. Letter writing campaigns against me. Other columnists writing columns about how wrong I was.

Ostrasizing even.

Then five years later pretty much everyone knows and is saying the same thing that got me ostracized.

If anyone questions what I wrote Sunday and since, just look at this weird reaction I'm getting, it kind of proves what I wrote.

I mean Minnesota SNAP produced a video to snarl at me and sent it to five hundred people. And I'm not surprised. It's the level of intimidation a lot of survivors experience with them, and this is what will happen if you dare to criticize SNAP.

They really do Snarl.

***********

The Unfolding Continues
Brain still processing...

I'm even beginning to think the Support Group experience Summer 2008 at the SNAP conference ties into this scheme to beat me down. The time I was left standing alone in the hallway door slammed on me, thrown out of the Women's Saturday night breakaway event. Left feeling two inches high because of a support group? And all SNAP did about it was keep me from writing about it, that night.

It took me six months at least to recuperate.

Now I'm beginning to think that experience tied in somehow as well, it was a very strange thing.

Another Unfolding:

One of the highest Snappers said something very strange to me at the conference that did not make sense, and it's niggled at me now and then, but I've tried not to dwell on it. Then I realized he was so tied into thish effort to slam me down. He might even be the one writing the script.

All of a sudden that weird thing he said to me a year and a half ago makes sense.

Because that person is in the middle of it.

I'm standing today in my kitchen or wherever and these added elements pop into my head and I go, hmm, yeah, now it makes sense.

Another thing that same very high level SNAP person who is also an attorney said was, "Every time you put a post up at City of Angels, I go there right away and read it from beginning to end."

I thought he was complimenting me, now I see he was telling me, I'm an attorney, and I'm reading every single line you write, carefully.

I thought it was a friendly remark.

Since then he hasn't been too friendly. So it was another thing that just didn't make sense.

Until now.

Now that I realize he might be the one writing the script, I'm looking at both his comments a different way.

Things that didn't add up for so long.

Suddenly do.

Reconciliation
.
****
I'm still working this out in my head. What I'm trying to explain is I think SNAP has had a full out effort going from the beginning to keep City of Angels from happening. It just got so bad that I could barely develop stories for the blog, because so many people would not call me back. Plus, the repeated stories from around the country that I wasn't soliciting. Instead it was more like people felt so glad they finally had someone they could pour out to the bad experiences they had with SNAP.

I stuffed this part of the story down for three years for the exact reasons Bob Hoatson and Tom Doyle got on me for writing it, because I thought it would be bad for the "movement" to put this in print. But truth is there really is no movement to hurt, and that's my point.

What movement?

I've been reeling in the middle of this so long it did not add up in my head. Spewing it all out in a blog on Super Bowl Sunday has... repositioned me. Now I'm looking at all this stuff, and I don't doubt for a minute that I've pointed out something seriously wrong. Don't know if it's the bishops who are writing the script and doing everything they can to keep survivors on point and in line.

But someone is.

*************

Strangest of all in all this week's stuff is no one has validated the weird experience I had or helped explain what happened. It wasn't fun going through this the whole last three years, and the harangue from Minnesota from Sunday seems to have finally stopped on Friday morning. (Except now he's just emailing me.) Kind of proved my point.

No one has explained that maybe I misunderstood and SNAP wasn't trying to steer me away from covering the Clergy Cases in L.A. and then when I persisted anyway, they weren't trying to intimidate me into not covering the hearings. They haven't said, no, Kay, we haven't done that, we aren't trying to stifle City of Angels with contacts around the country.

Just show me I'm wrong, I'll write a mea culpa.

Instead there was a four-day effort to scare me into silence.

Oh, by the way in the two in depth interviews on the story of David C's life that have showed up this week, he doesn't mention his brother the pedophile priest again. I still think that is very weird, it's a major part of the dynamic of his work at SNAP, whether he even realizes it.

It would make his story more interesting even.

If there really was a network of support, all the survivors in far flung places who have tried to start things on their own would be part of it, and a network would really be great because we could reach out and encourage each other, share resources. None of that is happening in SNAP. Instead survivors like me who try to do something on their own are left all alone to do it with out even a nod of acknowledgement from SNAP. Then our projects are either usurped or smothered.

I wrote it all at City of Angels 2.

Funny, when i first arrived here in 2006 and was finding people at the SNAP message board, there were a couple of guys there that were like madmen. They kept hollering, SNAP is the bishops SNAP is the bishops. Now I too have degenerated into one of those insane survivors who are standing outside hollering, SNAP is the bishops, SNAP is the bishops.

The end of the world is Ni.

Soylent Green is People.

If not the bishops, someone is writing a script and keeping anyone from deviating from it, and that's plain weird.

*****

They are determined to intimidate people into not talking. Donald Steier has been more decent to me than hierarchy from SNAP as I've done City of Angels the last three years. He's the lawyer who defends all the predator priests.

The question no one seems to see I'm asking is, why did SNAP try to stop me from covering the LA Clergy cases in 2007, why did they tap dance or outright give me false information, trying to intimidate me then to not write about the cases.

Wow, just realized, in Januray 2007, the tone of the emails from Mary Grant was exactly the same as these Snarls I'm getting now from Minnesota SNAP. Minneapolis SNAP.

Wow, this is taking a turn I never predicted, I just knew I couldn't be silent any longer, I didn't wake up on Super Bowl Sunday saying, time to lash out. I woke up saying, I can't not write this and not post it any longer, when it comes up everywhere I loook and it is not going away.

Readers can figure it out for themselves, just look at what is happening.

SNAP does do a great job of getting plaintiffs to attorneys, and in that respect they do help survivors.

But the lawsuits also keep the truth secret.

************
So SNAP doesn't deny all this happened. They just want me to stop writing about it.

**************

.
I was wrong. Minnesota SNAP is still sending out the video, now in mac format for those who don't have PCs. He's calling it an "out-reach" [sic] video.

Someone sicced this man on me and no one is stopping him. As totally out of line as what he is doing, and no one is telling him to stop.

I'm telling a painful truth and they are doing everything they can to stop me.

Just like SNAP's treatment of me Jan 2007 when they tried to stop me from starting then continuing City of Angels.

They go behind the scenes and SNARL at survivors, freak most of us out so bad we run away and never come back.
.
***********
.
Now MN SNAP is emailing me that if I feel "ostrasized" it must be because it's true. Thanks, SNAP Minnesota for once again showing me, and now the world, the way SNAP treats many survivors.

Bob's latest email:

"How many times do you need to be ostracized (your word) before you stop - look - listen to what so many others are trying to tell you ? If none in a room full of people don't agree with you, stop - look - listen to them. Sadly, you look at a helping hand as being ostracized, stop - look - listen."

There hasn't been anything even resembling a helping hand offered, but he sure is determined to shut me up.

And where the hell is this roomful of people?

SNAP in Minnesota is writing this to me.

SNAP is saying: How dare you point out the nine thousand pound gorilla in the room?

******
Here's another of his emails, this yesterday:

"If you feel intimidated it is because you are uncomfortable with the can of worms you have opened on yourself."

I didn't arrive at this conclusion in a vaccum.

Anyone who can has valid genuine contributions to make to the conversation, I will gladly listen to.

But, Bob, only reason I'm going to open your emails anymore is to copy and paste them and post them here so everyone can see them.

Just like I put my true feelings up here for everyone to see, even though I knew there would be responses like Bob's, I just did not expect it so blatantly from one of the SNAP official "leaders."

The email to me from people who are just "people" has been more like Nine to One encouraging me and thanking me.

That was a surprise. I thought I had self destructed by going public with this.

So City of Angels is not Dead, it's just resting.
.
Good public relations would put our thousands of faces in the news media, and all our stories. What we have instead is "the most quoted man in the clergy sex abuse movement," brags Bob's video. I didn't listen to much past that, as it was not addressing what I wrote. Bob's video was a reaction wo what he thought I was saying, then he didn't bother to read the entire experience, just reacted to the first paragraph or so.

Don't let them tell you we are all damaged survivors, and if you question them it's just because we have "Trust Issues" or you are trying to destroy the "movement." Point out to them that there really is no movement.

Do you see why I no longer trust them?

There's more...
.

You don't have to be a journalist to ask a person at a nonprofit for their financial papers and have them sent immediately, it's in the law.

If you're an American taxpayer you have a right to know.
.
************

This story poured out over days, it will probably pour out more, there's a lot to the story of my weird experience with SNAP.

As to ostracizing, I was ostracized already, before I wrote the stuff last week.

And since when is Shunning a cool practice?

And why are SO MANY people emailing me and thanking me for coming out with this?

****************
At least I put my allegations out in public, written here for everyone to read. The organization I criticize takes most its steps in secret. So which one would you believe?

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Wow it's so obvious. SNAP wanted to keep me from starting and continuing City of Angels because What I Wrote Here the last three days is What They Did Not Want Me To Find Out.

**********
For a copy of financial papers from SNAP email snapadmin1@gmail.com, it says here in the SNAP Annual report

It's under the pie chart at the bottom of a list in about 2 point type but it's there...

Every time I've emailed I've gotten the answer, "we will send it to you next week." Then next week never comes.

Maybe other people will get a better response. I wish other people would email that address and see if you have better luck than I have ever had, getting to see a copy of their 2007-2008 income and outflow pages.

I think it's strange that a nonprofit sidesteps inquiries about its finances, I mean they are not paying taxes, it's the public's money, we have a right to know.

When David tapdanced with me over a six-week period refusing to answer any questions about money in early 2008 is when the red flags about SNAP really started being so much in my face.

But I still gave them the benefit of the doubt, as long as I could - without turning into a PR writer and not a journalist.
.
We scanned the 2006 financial papers from SNAP here last December and they showed a half a million dollars was taken in and spent in that year. That was before California...

Anyway, I don't think it's legal for a nonprofit to keep their financial papers secret.

UPDATE:

It may be easier for SNAP to hide its financial information since 2006 as they are now incorporated in Nevada, evidently moved from Illinois in 2007, but now they're a non profit registered in the Onetime Mob State to the East of L.A.

There's a lot of dead bodies in that desert.
.

FINANCIAL DOCUMENTS SCANNED

Financial documents from SNAP 2006 can be viewed full screen, click to enlarge, by following the headline below to City of Angels 11

Monday, November 23, 2009

A guy handed me these papers begging me to post them. Here they are, if they are a smoking gun, please let me know...
.
(BELOW are some documents that were in a wad of paper a guy handed me two years ago. I feel a real need to get them online, but have hesitated, as I know some people among the crime victims will stop talking to me because I posted these. Oh well. If there is really nothing wrong here, I would love to hear it. Anyone can email me or call and tell me these docs below are not that revealing, please do. ...

(((((((((((

Also:

For a copy of financial papers from SNAP 2007, 2008, email

snapadmin1@gmail.com

Here in the SNAP Annual report under the pie chart

At the bottom of a list, in about

2 point type

but it's there...

Email snapadmin1@gmail.com for financial documents from 2008, and I assume 2007.

Every time I've emailed though, in the past year, I've gotten the answer, "We will send it to you next week." Then next week never comes.

Now Word Comes to Me that sometime in the past two years SNAP moved its headquarters to Nevada, where as we in L.A. know, anything goes when it comes to law enforcement and oversight.

Anyway, wish someone besides me would email them for financial docs and then post them somewhere or send them to me to post.

I can't believe an organization that takes in millions (est.) in donation money to "help survivors" and then does almost nothing, can get away with not telling the press or publishing at their website the financial docs.

A legitimate nonprofit would have their finances posted in their annual report.

A legitimate nonprofit...
.

If anyone emails that address, please let me know what happens.

ke

**************

AH,

the Mystery of Memory

When you write one memory out of your head, it makes room for another.

Scene was L.A. Criminal Courts, a hearing regarding Michael Baker. SNAP sent out notices and about 15 people would come.

It was December 2006 or Jan 2007, I knew that with hundreds of lawsuits filed back in 2003 in California because of the one-year window, there had to be some activity somewhere in the Courts. My only connection to the information was Mary Grant, Regional Director from SNAP.

Every time I asked, she'd shrug, say, no, nothing is going on. But at this Baker hearing I tried another tack.

I waited until the other Mary, the woman from A Call to Action, was standing in conversation with Mary. I walked up and interrupted.

"Mary, there's gotta be something going on with all those lawsuits that were filed in 2003, what's going on?"

Grant bristled, face beating. Then with calculated control the words formed adn came out of her mouth. "Yes, there are hearings in Superior court."

"Where in L.A. Superior Court, which building?"

"I don't know."

"Which judge, which department?"

"I don't know."

"When will be the next hearings?"

"I don't know."

"Well then who can I call who would know?"

She had to tell me, because the other Mary was standing there. This was already more info that Mary Grant had been willing to divulge for the previous weeks. A name of an attorney doing the hearings.

Grant gave me the name of Attorney Ray Boucher, and finally I had something. Then a woman in Boucher's office told me how to keep track of the hearings, that yes, there had been a few hundred pre-trial hearings so far in the past year. She told me which Superior Court, the name of the judge, where and how to find the Clergy Case Calendar online.

Grant from SNAP had been telling me for months there was nothing going on.

She knew I was a journalist, too, hadn't been published in a while, but anyone even then could find old articles I had written online.

The only reason I got even that much information out of the only full time paid regional director from SNAP at the time was someone else was witnessing the conversation.

I waited until someone else was talking to her and interrupted, it was the only way to force information out of her. She couldn't tell me another lie in front of Mary from A Call to Action.

That is only one of many reasons I've come to believe SNAP has some other agenda than what they purport to the public.

I'm seeing patterns and evidence enough to think SNAP has been run by the bishops since at least 1993 when they incorporated under the Dominican Sisters (see previous post).

Meantime, I'm glad this is pouring out. People need to find out how much they tried to keep City of Angels from happening, whatever and whoever is the cause of it.

If they were lying and diverting me from even knowing about the hearings, what else did they do to keep the press from writing about the Clergy Cases in L.A.?
.

NOT a SMOKING GUN, but something people said, yes, you should post, so I posted:
.
I found this part of a SNAP incorporation paper in a file cabinet a few weeks ago. It doesn't conflict with half the stories I've heard about how SNAP started but it does conflict with the other half.

At first I took advice not to post this, as people who've been around since 1993 or so don't see this as a problem, but new people are calling me and saying, what? No. Post it. It answers so many questions for me.

Here it is in full size, below it is in closeup.





I ran a SNAP group in San Francisco in 1995, that is when I received this document, then found it in a file drawer a few weeks back.

Some of my friends are saying this is a smoking gun.

I don't think it is, but other friends are saying, yes, do post it, because it answers a lot of questions I've had in my mind.

SNAP incorporating paper, click to enlarge, they were set up in 1993 as "an institution of the Catholic Church":



As I said, wherever I turn, even my own file cabinets, I find evidence that SNAP has been part of the Catholic Church all along.

And the way some people reacted this week, I think part of their whole scheme from the beginning was to get us all into a state of awe over the persons who run SNAP at a national level.

So today it is shocking, sinful almost, to criticize SNAP, or publish a "screed" as I've been told by too many people using that same word "screed."

Starting from the day they created SNAP, they wanted us to be afraid to ask questions.

It's the Bishops' MO too...
.

**I haven't even written here yet, how Angelic Intervention in January 2007 showed me the truth, and how what SNAP was telling me was the opposite of the truth. That was the birth of City of Angels, coverage of a hearing Jan. 16, 2007, when SNAP emailed me warning me not to go to the hearing, not to write about it, because the plaintiff did not want any news coverage and it would "ruin his case" or words to that effect.

I think it was angelic intervention that the one plaintiff SNAP was talking to me about was the one and only person from the Southern California cases who I had met, even made good friends with, through the SNAP online message board, which they have since discontinued. So I called the plaintiff and asked him, is that true? You don't want me to cover your hearing? He answered, hell yes I want you to write about it, I never even talked to anyone from SNAP.

So I went ahead and started City of Angels, in spite of SNAP, and the rest is history. It's all here. What I found out, and how it took them three years, but they succeeded and got me silenced.

Not the church, SNAP got City of Angels silenced. Now I'm observing from the sidelines as survivors around the country pop up on blogs and in Comments saying, well SNAP are just a couple of survivors who are dysfunctional like the rest of us, and if SNAP won't let me in, I'll just start something on my own. I'll observe, like others- old-timers around the country who have given up- do, as SNAP sabotages another survivor trying to do something on their after being shot down too many times by SNAP, I'll be on the sidelines at the same email address as always, waiting for someone with some power and force to step in and stop this incredible re-victimization and fraud that has been purported onto the pedophile priest crime victims by the Roman catholic bishops.

Sleazy underhanded back door counter espionage with absolutely no concern for how it hurts the already damaged crime victims, brought to you by the same persons who transferred pedophiles from one parish to another leaving them free to prey on children in their churches. They created SNAP back in the 1980s to dominate the nascent crime victim "community" and keep us all silent and in line as this story broke in oe city after another across the country.

As a result, news came out about these thousands of organized pedophile crimes, and no one is up in arms, no one is crying for prosecution. Because no one really heard the story of what happened to us. The crime victims were kept controlled and silent, by an organization that sells itself as the "support network" for the survivors.

I'll just have to be on the sidelines watching for now, waiting and waiting for other people to "get it."
.
Kay Ebeling
.
****
POST NOTE 1:
Sept. 30, 2011

Blaine is in Rome, getting ready to follow the Pope into Germany with what Irish Times identifies as her "lobbying organization." Now the reporter could have gotten it wrong, but if not, it is illegal for a nonprofit in the USA to engage in lobbying... but who cares about a little thing like IRS laws?

Abuse lobby urges Pope not to meet victims in Germany

Story will also make you laugh when it quotes Blain criticizing the victims meeting because writes the Irish Times:

The Pope will again meet what the survivors’ lobby calls “a small, handpicked group” of victims

Hello? SNAP is run by and for a hand-picked group of victims.

Another quote from this article:

Survivors’ lobby director Barbara Blaine argued that such high-profile meetings between the Pope and victims represented little more than “good PR” for the Holy See.

Well, yeah, like SNAP is nothing more than PR.

Blaine also says in the Irish Times piece:

"In the long term, [victims meeting with the Pope] will only add to the sense of betrayal and disappointment that millions – inside and outside of the church – feel about this pontiff and this crisis."

My friend Jim Robertson of L.A. thinks this current SNAP campaign to focus all the guilt on the Pope is another Catholic bishop-backed effort, as once this Pope dies, there will be no one else left to blame.
***

Pope Benedict is a fall guy.

And Barbara Blaine does not speak for the American victims. Who she speaks for is a question, but the audacity she displays claiming to be "lobbying" for us (illegally) is astounding.

*****

POST NOTE 2:

The result of SNAP's counter-intelligence is the people in the pews and most priests are able to go on with life in the Church as if none of these crimes ever happened. SNAP managed to keep the damage done to the Church down as low as possible by keeping any real grass-roots activism from ever getting started, and creating an image of victims as money-grubbing anti-Catholics.

So we end up like stories like this from Philly Dot Com on Oct. 5, 2011:

Msgr. Lynn got standing ovation at Chaput dinner, say those at event

By John P. Martin
Inquirer Staff Writer

Msgr. William J. Lynn, the former church official awaiting trial for allegedly protecting sexually abusive priests, drew words of encouragement from Philadelphia's new archbishop and a standing ovation from scores of priests at a private gathering last month, according to people familiar with the event.

During the invitation-only dinner for Archbishop Charles J. Chaput at a parish hall in Montgomery County, Chaput singled out Lynn in the crowd and noted how difficult the ordeal has been for him, according to one priest who attended and two people briefed by others at the gala...

If there had been a genuine movement among the hundred thousand pedophile priest victims, and real activism had taken place, the Church would have been damaged, the priests who committed the crimes and bishops who enabled them would be banished. Instead they get standing ovations and most of the victims have been marginalized.

Limited damage is exactly what the Church wanted when they created SNAP to divert and destroy the nascent survivor movement as it was starting in the mid-1980s.

******

Notes: Next Add: The Message Board and "Other States" notes

*******

* Work on this:

The Chicago Pizza Joint Coincidence.

(Details have been changed to protect Rob’s identity. Rob is not his real name.)

It's hard to write this, as Rob is such a dear person, he works so hard at keeping victims informed through regular emails. But again, this really happened, and I have to not care who hates me for writing it and just write it.

In 2009 I was determined to move to Chicago and “work on my story” which would include trying to find other victims of Father Thomas Barry Horne, who is a perpetrator from the Chicago Archdiocese in the case involving me and my sister from the early 1950s.

In 2009 I were having regular phone conversations with Rob in Chicago. He was going to help me find my way around when I got to his city, we were bonding. Rob and I were talking two or three times a week, and thanks to our growing friendship, moving to Chicago would happen more smoothly for me than if I just came there not knowing anyone.

Then one day when I didn't hear from Rob for a while, I called him, and he said, “You'll never guess who showed up in my pizza joint the other day,” he said, then, “Out of the blue, Barbara Blaine comes in for a slice.”

My heart sank, because by then the intervention pattern had been happening with other victims. Rob had told me before that even though they were in the same city, and Rob is a well known long time active person in the pedophile priest movement, he said he never interacted with Blaine, never sees her or hears from her. Now here she was walking into his South Side pizza joint. I knew right away the intervention was happening again and my Chicago plans were about to go downhill.

And sure enough:

Before that very phone conversation was over, Rob added, “Barbara told me she’s got big plans for Chicago and she wants me to be a big part of them. So now we've got a big project in the works for this city.”

I asked him to elaborate and Rob, hesitating and awkward as if he wasn’t sure how to tell me, said:

“Well we really don't want anyone from the outside to be involved."

He was repeating to me what Blaine had said to him.

I tried to protest, "Rob, I'm not from the outside," but he continued.

"We've got a special thing going on here in Chicago now, and it's just not a good idea to involve anybody from outside this region in these plans we've got coming up.”

After that I was cut off. Rob stopped calling me back, like so many other victims, after an interaction with one of the big three who run SNAP, Rob suddenly did not want to work with me.

Needless to say, in the following months, that “big project for Chicago” never materialized.

I really doubt it was just a coincidence that Blaine showed up in Rob’s pizza joint. She never had before and never has again since then.

I think that what happened was SNAP found out City of Angels Blog had plans to come to Chicago and get some real work done, they realized I was going to dig up the answers to some real questions.

So once again, SNAP intervened. This time it was Blaine, convincing Rob to cut off communications with me, and my plans to come to Chicago came to a standstill.

That’s how SNAP works, they carry out sabotage activities behind the scenes, then make sure the press keeps reporting that SNAP does great work for survivors.

SNAP’s advocacy for victims is an image created for the news media. In reality the survivors network is a hologram, something you can see, but nothing for victims to really hold onto.

Damage control.
.
Developing:

SNAP is a counter intelligence group designed to look like they are anti-Catholic, but run by people who are sincerely Catholic. The end result is confusion on all levels.

So adamant Catholics charge SNAP with trying to "destroy" the church> http://www.osv.com/tabid/7621/itemid/8341/Report-questions-motives-of-clerical-sex-abuse-vic.aspx And one real good point they make is asking the question, Why does SNAP keep saying the Church hasn't done enough? More than a billion dollars has gone out in settlements, when you think about it, Roger Mahony was one of the most generous and caring persons in this crisis. But SNAP keeps standing up to say, The Church has not done enough.

The end result is SNAP makes victims look like we are only motivated by money or a desire to destroy the Church.

Clohessy is quoted as saying to Our Sunday Visitor (Sept 11 2011) "The single fact is our movement is providing the Church an incredible gift, and helping to expose and purge the Church of devastating criminals.”

SNAP has provided the Church a gift all right, and its truth slips out between the lines when Clohessy speaks. From the beginning SNAP's purpose has been to sabotage the victims while putting a face in the media of being a support organization.

(The reason I'm not promoting this CofA 2 post yet is I'm still working this out. But truth is, adamant Catholics like David Pierre of The Media Report http://www.themediareport.com/ and even the imprisoned priest Gordon MacRae with his blog "These Stone Walls" http://www.thesestonewalls.com/gordon-macrae/snap-judgements-part-ii-ground-zero-of-the-catholic-scandal/ also see that something is wrong with SNAP. Unfortunately they conclude that SNAP is some organization, part Nazi part left-wing (left wing Nazis?), out to destroy the church, while working secretly for greedy lawyers.

No, that's just the layer you are supposed to see, as the PR project that is SNAP was set up to make people see pedophile priest victims as an angry mob attacking the church for selfish reasons. That's why so many victims sense something wrong and drop out after one or two SNAP events, thinking, They Don't Represent Me. Most of us don't want to attack the church, we just want justice, and we haven't gotten it, instead we've gotten years of redundant media events.

I am convinced SNAP is really counter intelligence, created to make survivors look bad while SNAP's founders actually love the Church, and love the personal aggrandizement they've experienced as a result of running SNAP the way they've run it.

Even the money settlements for victims were designed to tear the movement apart.

Only a fraction of victims got money from the church for damages. Some got ludicrously high amounts, some got mid-five figure amounts, and some, like me, got nothing at all. What better way to put a schism in the middle of a grass roots movement than to make half of them millionaires and leave the rest with nothing? Activists who used to be allies now move in totally different worlds, communications got cut off as, inevitably, those with settlements rebuilt their lives, and those without were left behind to struggle.

And if you point out that settlements in the end actually hurt the "survivor movement," a SNAP leader will pop into your life and yell at you to stop whining.

It will take me time to write this and for other people to understand it, but the truth of how SNAP sabotaged the survivor movement will come out eventually, probably not 'til after I'm dead, but this blog will still be here....)
.
-Kay Ebeling
.
cut but saved:
Why does SNAP barely mention Bishop Accountability, in their Sept. 2011, letter to the international criminal court except referenced as “A prominent watchdog group in the U.S." Bishop Accountability is, however, source of several footnotes in the Hague presentations.

MORE TO WRITE:
**Sinkholes
While turning their back on most individual "survivors," SNAP will select one or two victims and use them over and over in media events, with no concern for how the experience is affecting the victim, who is often self destructing off camera, as a result of the glare of their story in today's fifteen minutes of fame news world. As SNAP breezes from one town to the next they leave behind damaged victims on two different levels: the survivors who got ignored and sent away, as well as the survivors who got draped in front of cameras where their story was exploited and repeated, then ignored and sent away. At no time does SNAP meet with local activists to see what they want, SNAP just breezes in, does its media event, then breezes out. The two-three people who run this "network" take all the press and victim information with them when they leave.

The stories and details and names of people who could really help gets dropped into a sinkhole somewhere between Chicago and St. Louis, never to be heard again ... then SNAP runs another media event to repeat the process.
.

TO COME
Perpetual Victimhood
No, the victims don't disappear from the movement because we are all too sick to function, even though that's the message we get from SNAP, that we are all hopelessly damaged.
An amazing thing happened when I officially broke off with SNAP and started criticizing them and telling the story of my experience.
I stopped feeling like a helpless victim.
I stopped feeling like the pedophile priest experience was the cause of all my problems. It was liberating.
Then
As I deconstructed the whole experience internally I remembered: the first time I reached out to SNAP in Northern California in the 1990s, I was like a warrior at that time. It was at the SNAP support groups that I first heard I was a "survivor" who was damaged, and the more I attended those SNAP groups, which are structured on New Age (mind control) concepts from the 1970s, the more I gave in and became a victim.
Breaking with SNAP was really good for my survival.
.
ADD:
I worked hard to get CofA Blog picked up at other locations, like Examiner Dot Com and AlterNet, but someone would complain to their editorial board and soon the blog would be removed. With no one willing to be interviewed and no place to publish, and don't forget Google refused to allow their ads on my site --

I felt like no matter what I did, I'd get beaten down. And, well, without a network of support...
.
(This story is not finished, I am still writing it. so a a better version of this story is here, but meanwhile please excuse awkward transitions, and misspelled words, plus there are parts at the end that need to be moved up to the beginning. This is a work in progress. )

SNAP was started by a woman who graduated from University of St. Louis, a Jesuit college, who then began her career as a social worker with a Catholic social services agency in Chicago. Ten years into the life of SNAP a man whose brother had just gone secretly into therapy for being a pedophile priest in St. Louis took the reins as Executive Director of SNAP.

Victims come and go regularly, and "survivors" rarely stay involved with SNAP for a long period of time. Still the founder and director of the group, along with a handful of new victims, manage to be there, front and center dominating the news, wherever the story of pedophile priests is breaking.

Does SNAP do advocacy for pedophile priest victims, or was SNAP really created to run damage control for the Catholic Church?

*****

It's now mid-2011 now and as I look back, it makes me so sad.

Imagine how wonderful City of Angels Blog could have been if there were a genuine support network for pedophile priest victims, but instead I was doing it all alone, with "someone" making sure I got as little recognition or cooperation as possible.

Considering there are a hundred thousand Catholic clergy abuse victims in the USA alone, imagine how effective the activism could have been, if there actually had been an aggressive, inclusive, genuine network that actually worked the way a network should work, involving everyone who had an idea, linking groups around the country, keeping us all involved, informed, "networked."

Imagine how effective the movement could have been, how much we could have accomplished, if we'd had a real national support network for survivors.

Instead we got the Barbara Blaine show, co-starring David Clohessy. No matter where the story broke or what priests were accused of what crimes, there would be Barbara and/or David, in the news, saying the same milque-toast sound bytes, dominating the story, making it theirs. Then they'd disappear and no one ever heard any details of the crimes or how the crimes affected the crime victims.

SNAP is not advocacy, it's damage control.

As I produced City of Angels Blog, my intent was to tell the story of a hundred thousand crime victims and coverups by the Church. But soon it became apparent, that the real story is in the counter-intelligence, fake network that the Church or the Vatican or "someone" created in the mid-1980s, to give the appearance of advocating for the crime victims, when their real purpose was to keep us all in line, under control, manage the story wherever it broke, and keep the Church as powerful today as it was when the story first began to break.

*****

I remember the moment, Spring 2006, SNAP was holding a vigil in Pershing Square while the U.S. bishops held their annual meeting in the L.A. Biltmore across the street. I was disheveled, bloated, fat, bent-backed, a person with no self esteem at all.

Barbara Blaine sat next to the L.A. SNAP leader Mary Grant and I finally got a chance to talk to them. I was in awe of them, gazing up at them, probably looked pretty pathetic.

I said, "It feels so good to be able to send out a letter to the editor and sign it Kay Ebeling, SNAP Los Angeles."

Blaine and Grant looked at each other then looked at me, and said simultaneously:

"You can't."

They may have explained why I couldn't say I was a member of SNAP but I really don't remember what the reasoning was. Just that I gave them the authority, figured they must know what they are doing, so they must be right, and I left the event defeated.

****

Still I didn't drop out of the movement, and kept trying to find other survivors who lived in the part of L.A. that I lived, Hollywood, by going through SNAP. I kept not getting my phone calls returned. Finally at an event, I asked Grant, "Why don't I start a support meeting for SNAP in Hollywood? I'm sure there are other victims in that part of town." Grant took me off to the side to say to me privately, "Kay we think you are too sick to run a support group."

Again, I felt defeat. I was so certain the people who ran SNAP knew what they were doing, they were the authorities that I left that event and went home and indeed got sick, a depression-fueled sick, and stayed sick almost not functioning for a good six months.

****

Instead of walking away from the movement, I started City of Angels blog in January 2007. Through the blog I was able to raise funds to attend a SNAP conference, in July 2008 and what an empowering experience that was. Everywhere I went in that Chicago hotel meeting area, people would say, "That's Kay Ebeling, she started City of Angels Blog." The survivors and advocates loved the blog, I was getting accollades like I'd never gotten them before. Everyone at the conference was happy to see me

Except

Over on the sidelines I'd see David Clohessy and Barbara Dorris, just standing there glaring at me, shooting darts with their eyes. I talked to Barbara Blaine and she was civil, but I sensed she was bristling as we spoke. Everyone at the SNAP conference welcomed me, except the people who ran SNAP.

Meanwhile I was flying high at the conference on all the positive feedback I was getting, until I went to the Saturday night breakout session, a women's support group. I was overflowing with enthusiasm, so when someone in the group said something shocking I let a burst of breath come out of my mouth. The woman running the support group announced that I was too disruptive and physically removed me from the group, by pushing me into the hallway, and slamming the door on me. The way that ejection was carried out deflated any self-esteem I had gotten from the conference, instead I spent the next six months thinking there was something inherently wrong with me... I still am not sure what that sequence of events meant, but the end result was going to the SNAP conference left me feeling the same lowness that I felt after Blaine and Graint told me I couldn't sign letters to the editor as a member of SNAP.

Dejection, defeat, from an organization that proclaims itself as "giving voice to victims." In spite of all the positive response from people at the conference, the experience of being thrown out of the support group and left standing by myself in a dark empty hallway had a real bad effect on me. Again it was six months before I got any real self esteem back, instead I spiraled into a depression, certain there was something inherently wrong with me.

I later realized these were calculated moves, for some reason SNAP discouraged me from the start from participating, but I persisted, and found out SNAP did the same thing to many other victims.

I came to call them the anti-network. As in there is gravity and anti-gravity. There is the idea of a support group and there is the anti-support group...

And as I wrote City of Angels Blog I inevitably began to learn how SNAP works. No matter where in the country I was doing a story, the anti-netork efforts on the part of SNAP would loom over the interviews. I began to realize the efforts of SNAP ended up deflating any real efforts at advocacy or prosecution on local levels, not blatantly, just always behind the scenes. Defeating words whispered into a survivor's ear as they were just about to speak in public, SNAP showing up late and unprepared, so guaranteeing the failure of a local SNAP event, media announcements at way too short notice, with just enough errors in them to deter any real news from being developed.

Then after each event around the country, SNAP takes the media and new survivor contact information back to St. Louis or Chicago, so local grass roots efforts can never get off the ground. They don't share that information with the local leaders. Why do they share it with?

*****

I am a jouranalist by profession, so when word trickled out in 2006 that in L.A. there were hundreds of lawsuits going forward, I wanted to find out more to "write something," yet L.A. SNAP leader Mary Grant kept telling me there was nothing going on in court. I knew that could not be true, so I finally approached her at a moment when she was standing with a VOTF woman, because everything Grant said to me, she'd say when no one else was around. As the VOTF woman stood stunned at my rudeness to interrupt them, I said, "Mary, with all the new victims coming forward in L.A., there must be something going on in the courts, pre-trial motions?" Grant bristled, but since the VOTF woman was standing there, Grant could not get away with the diversion she had been carrying out. Grant had to tell me the truth. "Yes," she said, "there's something going on in Superior Court." I kept asking Grant questions even though she'd turned her back on me, and finally I squeezed the name of an attorney out from between Grant's clenched teeth. Finally I had the name of a contact. I called the attorney and discovered there had been pretrial hearings in L.A. Superior Court going on for months, two or three of them a week. I started attending the hearings and found a huge story there.

And City of Angels Blog was born.

In spite of SNAP.

And the blog grew, thanks, in many cases, to what I came to call "angelic intervention."

****

I would have let these negative experiences with SNAP slide and not dwelled on them, except as I started finding out about this story across the country, I interviewed dozens of survivors, and found out many other victims had eerie, inexplainable defeating and dejecting experiences when they reached out to SNAP. I found out SNAP often steps in and usurps work victims were doing locally as advocates.

And the more City of Angels grew, the more SNAP worked behind the scenes to keep the blog from being successful.

***

When SNAP calls itself is a "support network" it is making two false statements. The support is not really there. And the network does not exist at all, it's a hologram.

I know people are rankled at me for down-rapping SNAP but as long as it's impossible to point out anything SNAP does wrong, they will continue to do things in "the way we've always done it," and the same mistakes will get made, with the end result that in spite of a hundred thousand victims in the USA and close to ten thousand priests identified, the bishops are still in power, and Americans think the pedophile priest crime victims or "survivors" are this small fringe group of people who just wants to destroy the church.

NO ONE is above criticism, not even SNAP.

Not even me. I hear it and consider it when it's legitimate.

The thing is, if SNAP told me lies, misdirected me, and I'm one journalist / survivor, it makes me really wonder how many other people were misdirected by SNAP, and why.

If anything, I know making these statements makes me look petty in some people's eyes. If it was about me-me-me, believe me, I would not have posted this story.

It's about me not wanting to see the same mistakes and screw-ups continue, which is apparently part of the SNAP plan, screw up continuously, so it looks like they are doing advocacy work, when what they are really doing is keeping a lid on the story, as much as possible.

When I suggested an idea, SNAP leaders contacted me and said I was whining or sitting on a pity pot. One of SNAP's most vocal midwest spokesmen hounded me with great vigor.

And the "selfish, Me-Me-Me idea I proposed:

Set up a trust, a fund made up of donations from settlements, and let survivors who did not get settlements apply to the fund for grants.

What's wrong with that idea? How is that just caring about me-me-me and being on a pity pot?

I think it's a damn good idea, and something SNAP should have done and still couuld do.

But there's Mr. Snap from Minnesota screaming at me that I'm on a pity pot and all I care about is me-me-me if I say why not set up a trust for the rest of the victims.

Knee jerk reaction.

*****

(The following was written in Feb. 2010, when SNAP Minnesota had ramped up his online harrassment of me.)

Having the strangest experience.

It's over. I think...

I doubt I'll post another word at City of Angels.

I did what I came for. I identified the problem and wrote about it, reported it here.

Now, I can't hang around while almost everyone else working in this area is not only drinking the Kool-Aid but drunk on it.

If people prefer to believe what they are told instead of what they see, there's not much more I have to write on this topic.

I'm a chameleon, always have been, and it's real obvious, the way I feel, that another change is coming, and City of Angels is done.

I did what I came here for, identified the problem, and until the rest of us see and deal with the problem, I can't function in this "community."

City of Angels was run from the beginning on nudges. They're gone now. They left this morning.

There's nothing more to say. Until other people see what I see, there's nothing more I can say.

I am also, I will admit, going a little nuts. I don't just think David and Barbara are from the Church. I'm getting so every person I talk to on the phone or through email through this blog is an undercover agent from the church, or from David and Barbara.

Maybe if I just write here for a while and stop answering my phone...

****

I Ended Up Having to do the Blog All Alone
I Thought It Was Me, Something Inherently Wrong With Me, that caused other victims to run the other direction.

Then I realized
Whenever I interviewed victims by phone, at first they would be enthused and ready to continue developing their story with me.
Then next time I called, they would not take my call.

I anguished over that, it hurt, it defeated me.

Then I realized there was always one common denominator, one thing that each of those persons did in between the first and second call.

They had contact with David or Barbara, executives from SNAP.

***

(From Feb. 2010:)

There has also been this eerie strange experience I've had since first starting City of Angels blog back in Jan. 2007 (in spite of SNAP's obstruction.

Not long into working on the blog, I'd have this experience, at first I noted it and kind of was left with this, what happened, feeling. When it happened 12, 15 times I began to really notice it and make note of it. Now it happens all the time, with about two exceptions.

I'm talking to a survivor somewhere in the US over the phone, we are getting along great. We make plans to talk again about this or that at a time in the future. I call that person when we are supposed to talk again, and they will not return my call, ever...

Okay, one of the very first times this happened was early in the life of the blog, I was talking to a survivor in New Mexico, his case was current so we could not post the details, but he talked to me at length. He told me he also was real active in AA as a sponsor.

He said, "If you ever need to talk to me about anything, especially these issues, call anytime, because I know how important that contact with another human being is, so I'll return your call no matter what I'm doing, as soon as possible."

Okay that's not a direct quote. Point is he emphasized he would call me back.

He also was very close and in regular contact with David Clohessy.

I called back when we had arranged, he would not return the call. I tried a few more times, then gave up, and took it personally. In early 2007 I was not the self contained person I am today even. Three years back i was barely able to get a sentence out of my mouth...

Okay. It happened then again in states and regions all over the country, the exact same pattern. When a survivor who I'm talking to is in the middle of working with me on a story for the future at City of Angels, or even we are just talking as I need human contact SO BAD in my life right now.

We'll be goign along fine.

Then there is that interaction on their end with SNAP.

From that time on, the person will not call me back again.

This has happened now so many times that what I do now is I wait and see how long it will be before it happens. It happens ALL THE TIME.

Either someone is getting to survivors and telling them not to talk to me, which I know happened in Los Angeles in 2006, SNAP leaders in L.A. have been quoted to me saying, "Don't have anything to do with that crazy lady in Hollywood" to most people in SNAP. I still am stymied by that as well...

Off topic.

At first when people stopped calling me back, I took it personally. Then it became obvious something was going on.

My favorite was on the SNAP cruise, where about six antagonistic people went to Ensenada and back in 2008, it was supposed to be a fund raiser but there was -- six people or so went.

This one guy, he spent two to three hours telling me his whole life story and how it was affected by serial sodomy rape by a sickening German surnamed priest who is among the L.A. perpetrators.

We had this long talk. Plus the guy was my age, educated, I thought we really connected. We sat there both of us crying on a chaise lounge on the cruise ship.

Then he goes off to do something with SNAP which I think had to do with money management, as it was mostly people who had just gotten settlements who were the target of the cruise.

I got to go on the cruise because someone gave me his ticket, he could not refund it, he'd already paid for it then had to work, so I got to go on the cruise.

Boy was I not welcome there, but I tolerated it to experience a cruise one time.

Okay.

That night at dinner I see the guy who had just poured his heart out to me, bonded with me on a shared serial child rape basis.

I say the beginning of one sentence to him and he turns his back, abrupt, says something like, I don't want to talk to you about this anymore, totally shines me on.

I sit there with this person near me at the dinner table who is bristling angry at me, and have no idea why.

****

The first time it happened and I knew I was not imagining it, was a phone call I was having with this one guy from Southern California in the 2006-7 settlements who was also real active in SNAP. We were talkign along, talkign along, making plans to meet soon, sharing our archdiocesical rages.

Then in the middle of a sentence he goes, "Wait, oh, wha- wait, you're that Kay, you're that Kay? Oh, hold on, I gotta go."

And he never spoke to me again.

Lucky for me, he was not good at subterfuge at all. It was so blatant that someone had told him not to talk to me. That is the moment when it became more of an experience than a hurtful thing. I could be objective.

But still to this day is this niggling feeling inside, what is wrong with me. My personality is so bad that 99 percent of the survivors I talk to who are involved with SNAP do not call me back after they talk to someone at SNAP about me?

Is it that I am so disgusting that no one wants to talk to me after the first time?

Or is it SNAP telling them to have nothing to do with me.

I mean which makes more sense to you. Or SNARL as I dubbed them in the Fiction piece over Christmas, and I hope now people who read this will start to understand how I came to the place where I started calling them SNARL instead of SNAP.

Actually look at the comments Bob Schwiderski put on the Sunday post at City of Angels 8. He is snarling right there in print, not much different from emails I used to get from Mary Grant.

The nudges are back.

********

Cut from opening:

Thing is as long as I feel this way about SNAP I can't function in the "survivor community" as 80 percent of survivors tell me they are having a good experience with them. I don't know what the criteria is for who gets treated well by SNAP and who doesn't, I just know that the line is definitely drawn, and a lot of people get this same, they don't want me around feeling that I used to get in 2006, I just am so persistent, and yes, it struck me as ... so counter intuitive, for an organization that is supposed to be empowering crime victims to treat some of the victims so bad.

In some cases we are the wildest weirdest ones, the survivors who don't look good on camera, as I was in 2006. Thing is now that I've been doing City of Angels for three years, I've turned into this confident person. In reality it's the most damaged, broke, half homeless ones who need the most support and attention, yet we are the ones who get snubbed the most.

I used to think it was about money, the survivors who get treated well are the ones who have active cases that are going to end up in big settlements.

I don't know that for sure, because EVERY TIME I've been in conversation with survivors who are heading for big settlements, this David Clohessy or Someone intervention takes place.

I doubt it's the Church intervening. Most survivors would not listen to what a representative of the Church tells them to do.

But they will enthusiastically and reverently do what Clohessy or one of the others in the SNAP regional heirarchy tell them to do....

All this stuff I'm writing here is how I came to the conclusion that at the top, out of St. Louis, SNAP is run by the Roman Catholic Church, and the survivors have just been through years of Crowd Control, and News Information Management.

The only thing they screwed up with this plan is they did not count on the Internet, and survivors finding each other

IN SPITE of SNAP.

And me. I kept digging. And I kept trying to tell myself I was imagining it until it was SO RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, I could not see it as anything else.

So when survivors are still in that place where they have given a kind of Saint-quality to the individuals who run SNAP, they cannot understand how I could bad rap them.

It's the ones who call me with this same complaint that stymies me, as the weird treatment of survivors by SNAP is almost the same in every city.

In fact, when I first wrote about that strange snub in Fall 2009, where SNAP held a Gus Krumm press event in Orange County without mentioning that City of Angels broke the story, I got several emails from people who have been around a long time, old Linkup Members, and phone calls too, telling me, honey, SNAP has done that to so many survivors, you are not all that weird, don't feel like the Lone Ranger
.

I do feel alone with it right now, as I'm still only one of about three who is willing to say it in print, and use my name, from the dozens of victims I've spoken to who see that SNAP is a sham.

But right now there are so many survivors and advocates angry with me for writing this, that I can't even make a phone call to develop a story.

Thing is, as long as I keep researching, this niggling thing comes up. Something is wrong with SNAP and maybe I haven't figured it totally out, but there is definitely something wrong. And now that I've gone this far, I'm not going to stop, until someone looks into it.

There's more.

For those survivors who are already in a perplexed state like I was in 2006-2008 when I just couldn't figure out why SNAP does what it does, try this formula.

Take all your confusion about SNAP and add one element to the equation, that they are doing it on purpose, that they want to screw up press events and want to discourage survivors from continuing to participate.

Then all of a sudden all your confusion and questions are answered, as it all falls in place. If they really are counter-espionage, created by the bishops as far back as the late 1980s as a way to keep the lid on this story.

Add that concept into your experience with SNAP and suddenly- it's like reconciliation.

Everything falls into place.

Everything makes sense.

They left the survivors standing on a sidewalk with no one in washington and Florida? The way they tried to stifle me from covering L.A. Clergy Case hearings.

Just apply the idea that SNAP is really from the Church to your experience so far.

See if the same thing doesn't happen to you.

Suddenly it all makes sense, it all adds up.

And there was only one group of persons in the mid-1980s who knew how many crime victims there were, who knew they had to do something to keep us from really becoming a powerful force, who knew they had to insinuate themselves into the group of survivors who were already starting to find each ohter.

Only one group knew in advance how many of us there are and that they had to do something to contain us:

The US Conference of Roman Catholic bishops.

************

Oh yeah, David Clohessy. When I was in SNAP San Francisco in 1995, a leader there was confused, "Who the hell is this guy?" he said about Clohessy who seemed to appear out of the blue to take over the job of executive director and run SNAP.

Turns out David's brother Kevin was an accused pedophile priest, who secretly entered rehab for pedo priests in St. Louis (Probably the Paracletes).

Father Kevin Clohessy secretly entered rehab about the same time, mid-1990s, as David Clohessy was placed in his position as Director of SNAP.

I find that fact very revealing.

In the years I tried to write this blog, I came up against obstruction over and over, not from the Church, but from SNAP, particularly Clohessy. Today I think it is no coincidence that David's brother Kevin went into secret treatment for being a pedophile priest at the same time David took over as "director" of this counter-intelligence organization SNAP.

I think SNAP was created by the American bishops in the mid 1980s to run "damage control." They appear to be doing advocacy for victims, what they really are doing is keeping the victims under control, stepping in to run the story wherever it breaks in the USA, and beating down any survivors who seem determined to do advocacy above and beyond what SNAP is doing, with the agenda it has, an agenda created by God only knows who.

With the advent of the internet in the mid-1990s, whoever runs SNAP decided they needed a second "leader" in place besides Barbara Blaine, so they brought in Clohessy. From St. Louis, Clohessy intervenes whenever the pedophile priest story breaks in the news, anywhere in the USA. Before a second story gets into the news, Clohessy has established himself as the "spokesman" the press should go to for the story.

And all they ever get is the same bland quotes. Clohessy has been saying the same quotes about "protecting kids" and "callous behavior" of the bishops for more than 15 years. Quotes from Clohessy never say more than what has already been reported in the news.

Or my favorite, SNAP will criticize the Church for being "too secretive" and for responding to the clery abuse scandal with "more of the same" when being secretive and churning out more of the same is exactly what SNAP does.

It's damage control, calculated and carried out very cleverly.

SNAP is not an advocacy group, it runs damage control for the Church.

The main reason City of Angels is not publishing much anymore is if SNAP sees a survivor who is vocal and determined to be an activist in spite of SNAP, they will find ways beat you down and beat you down until you finally have no choice but to stop.

Then over the figurative beaten down body of the one activist survivor, SNAP will hold another press event and the world will hear about all the great work they are doing.

Oh if only some reporters with real curiosity would uncover this whole truth.

How did Clohessy end up as director at the same time his brother secretly went into therapy as a pedophile priest, for example.

Why does almost every survivor who is vocal and active in the "movement" end up disappearing and fading into a depressed silence while the handful of people who run SNAP keep going and going with all the resources they need for every trip and media event? (I've spoken to several of the victims who dropped out of the movement. Guess what? They felt in many cases that they were "vibed away" by Blaine and Clohessy. Surprise surprise)

Meanwhile expect a few more years of press statements calling the Church "reckless and callous" when the Church is actually a criminal enterprise. But if its victims are willing to stand behind "reckless and callous" then no one will see a need to prosecute.

Expect a few more years of press events taking place in front of cathedrals and Catholic offices, so the Church's security can watch and record everything the victims do when they get together there.

Expect a few more years of SNAP breezing into towns to conduct media events, gather up all the names of new victims and press contacts, then breeze back out of town leaving the local victims with no new information. Then all that contact information, names of new victims and reporters interested in doing stories, goes back to St. Louis and we never hear anything about them again.

All the names and media contact information ends up in a sinkhole somewhere between Chicago and St. Louis and all hundred thousand victims are left with no real voice, no real advocacy, and no stories developed in the media beyond the flurry of shallow responses covering SNAP's media events.

Same thing they were doing in the late 1990s, they are still doing in the 2010's, giving the appearance of advocacy, when in reality they are conducting damage control.

********************

Response to one of many recent emails:

They lied to me about the L.A. Clergy case pretrial hearings. They tried to divert me away from covering them. Clohessy tap dances instead of answering questions

I didn't stumble in here stoned and get mad 'cause no one liked me.

I was pulling on my Journalism skills from one of many careers I sabotaged to try to get this story out.

SNAP was diversionary and untruthful to me As A Journalist not only as a Survivor.

How many other reporters have gotten that same treatment? Makes me wonder if that's why this story has fizzled when it should ahve exploded.

I have many damn good reasons for being suspicious of them, please read what I am writing at http://cityofangels2.blogspot.com/ before telling me this is internal bickering or me being upset about being snubbed.

How can it be internal bickering when there is nothing to be inside of? The "survivor community" is a hologram. Great image, but when you reach out for it, there is nothing there.

***********

Too many unanswered questions and too much power (The Vatican) behind them for one lone blogger to uncover on her own. I feel a lot safer if I just drop it. I did not feel safe towards the end of City of Angels Blog's life. I felt like the more I wrote, the harder they would fight me to stop me.

I honestly became afraid to continue.

**********************************

I know what I am saying is really far out and unbelievable. But think of who the bad guys are in this story...

************************************

God, this is unfolding in layers. As soon as one element gets out and written down another one comes up.

Pacing around my home in early 2009, really working at calling lots of survivors around the country to develop stories for City of Angels.

I actually hollered into the phone, "God, no, I don't want to talk about that.

"Don'tn tell me that. Don't tell me it happened to you, no not again." Still the conversation would inevitably go there.

The obstacle that always ended up being up in front of us was SNAP in St. Louis, the support organization that was supposed to be making things happen.

"No, I really don't want to hear that," I said many times, "or bring that up again, it makes my blood pressure rise too much."

I didn't set out with City of Angels to write this part of the story, it just became to me, the most important story to tell.

It would always come up. The thing that stopped us, the thing that kept the project from being a success. It was always SNAP.

Obstructionist was the word that I kept writing in notes around mid-2008.

In early 2009 when it seemed everywhere I looked I'd see more signs that something was wrong at a shadow level with SNAP, it even affected me physically. I started shaking uncontrollably and it lasted days. I laid in bed shaking, taking muscle relaxants to keep from flying over the edge of the balcony.

Shaking.

Then with time it stopped, and I went back to telling myself, it can't be true. No one could be that sinister, devious, evil.

yes they can.

*****
*
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

One of my most prolific critics says I'm after David Clohessy's job. No. I would never want to run a nonprofit, I'm not a hand-shaker, I don't mix, I don't even like most humans anymore and look forward to leaving the planet soon.

I didn't have any agenda when those posts came out Sunday, they just came out. It's my experience, i didn't make it up. Maybe I should deny what happened to me and pretend it didn't so people will like me better?

My critic snarls that I'm jealous because "Clohessy is the most quoted man in the clerical child abuse movement" and that made me laugh so hard and so long out loud.

My critic revealed the problem.

"Most quoted man"?

Good PR results in a change in public thinking and policy.

That emailer was so totally from some other place and time, that I laughed so loud and so long...

**********

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

*****************

I've had this experience before, as a journalist, in fact I'm lucky I have, as the scars are all calloused from those times and this one I can just take.

I'd write a column saying something I saw and the result was outrage from the readers. Letter writing campaigns against me. Other columnists writing columns about how wrong I was.

Ostrasizing even.

Then five years later pretty much everyone knows and is saying the same thing that got me ostracized.

If anyone questions what I wrote Sunday and since, just look at this weird reaction I'm getting, it kind of proves what I wrote.

I mean Minnesota SNAP produced a video to snarl at me and sent it to five hundred people. And I'm not surprised. It's the level of intimidation a lot of survivors experience with them, and this is what will happen if you dare to criticize SNAP.

They really do Snarl.

***********

The Unfolding Continues
Brain still processing...

I'm even beginning to think the Support Group experience Summer 2008 at the SNAP conference ties into this scheme to beat me down. The time I was left standing alone in the hallway door slammed on me, thrown out of the Women's Saturday night breakaway event. Left feeling two inches high because of a support group? And all SNAP did about it was keep me from writing about it, that night.

It took me six months at least to recuperate.

Now I'm beginning to think that experience tied in somehow as well, it was a very strange thing.

Another Unfolding:

One of the highest Snappers said something very strange to me at the conference that did not make sense, and it's niggled at me now and then, but I've tried not to dwell on it. Then I realized he was so tied into thish effort to slam me down. He might even be the one writing the script.

All of a sudden that weird thing he said to me a year and a half ago makes sense.

Because that person is in the middle of it.

I'm standing today in my kitchen or wherever and these added elements pop into my head and I go, hmm, yeah, now it makes sense.

Another thing that same very high level SNAP person who is also an attorney said was, "Every time you put a post up at City of Angels, I go there right away and read it from beginning to end."

I thought he was complimenting me, now I see he was telling me, I'm an attorney, and I'm reading every single line you write, carefully.

I thought it was a friendly remark.

Since then he hasn't been too friendly. So it was another thing that just didn't make sense.

Until now.

Now that I realize he might be the one writing the script, I'm looking at both his comments a different way.

Things that didn't add up for so long.

Suddenly do.

Reconciliation
.
****
I'm still working this out in my head. What I'm trying to explain is I think SNAP has had a full out effort going from the beginning to keep City of Angels from happening. It just got so bad that I could barely develop stories for the blog, because so many people would not call me back. Plus, the repeated stories from around the country that I wasn't soliciting. Instead it was more like people felt so glad they finally had someone they could pour out to the bad experiences they had with SNAP.

I stuffed this part of the story down for three years for the exact reasons Bob Hoatson and Tom Doyle got on me for writing it, because I thought it would be bad for the "movement" to put this in print. But truth is there really is no movement to hurt, and that's my point.

What movement?

I've been reeling in the middle of this so long it did not add up in my head. Spewing it all out in a blog on Super Bowl Sunday has... repositioned me. Now I'm looking at all this stuff, and I don't doubt for a minute that I've pointed out something seriously wrong. Don't know if it's the bishops who are writing the script and doing everything they can to keep survivors on point and in line.

But someone is.

*************

Strangest of all in all this week's stuff is no one has validated the weird experience I had or helped explain what happened. It wasn't fun going through this the whole last three years, and the harangue from Minnesota from Sunday seems to have finally stopped on Friday morning. (Except now he's just emailing me.) Kind of proved my point.

No one has explained that maybe I misunderstood and SNAP wasn't trying to steer me away from covering the Clergy Cases in L.A. and then when I persisted anyway, they weren't trying to intimidate me into not covering the hearings. They haven't said, no, Kay, we haven't done that, we aren't trying to stifle City of Angels with contacts around the country.

Just show me I'm wrong, I'll write a mea culpa.

Instead there was a four-day effort to scare me into silence.

Oh, by the way in the two in depth interviews on the story of David C's life that have showed up this week, he doesn't mention his brother the pedophile priest again. I still think that is very weird, it's a major part of the dynamic of his work at SNAP, whether he even realizes it.

It would make his story more interesting even.

If there really was a network of support, all the survivors in far flung places who have tried to start things on their own would be part of it, and a network would really be great because we could reach out and encourage each other, share resources. None of that is happening in SNAP. Instead survivors like me who try to do something on their own are left all alone to do it with out even a nod of acknowledgement from SNAP. Then our projects are either usurped or smothered.

I wrote it all at City of Angels 2.

Funny, when i first arrived here in 2006 and was finding people at the SNAP message board, there were a couple of guys there that were like madmen. They kept hollering, SNAP is the bishops SNAP is the bishops. Now I too have degenerated into one of those insane survivors who are standing outside hollering, SNAP is the bishops, SNAP is the bishops.

The end of the world is Ni.

Soylent Green is People.

If not the bishops, someone is writing a script and keeping anyone from deviating from it, and that's plain weird.

*****

They are determined to intimidate people into not talking. Donald Steier has been more decent to me than hierarchy from SNAP as I've done City of Angels the last three years. He's the lawyer who defends all the predator priests.

The question no one seems to see I'm asking is, why did SNAP try to stop me from covering the LA Clergy cases in 2007, why did they tap dance or outright give me false information, trying to intimidate me then to not write about the cases.

Wow, just realized, in Januray 2007, the tone of the emails from Mary Grant was exactly the same as these Snarls I'm getting now from Minnesota SNAP. Minneapolis SNAP.

Wow, this is taking a turn I never predicted, I just knew I couldn't be silent any longer, I didn't wake up on Super Bowl Sunday saying, time to lash out. I woke up saying, I can't not write this and not post it any longer, when it comes up everywhere I loook and it is not going away.

Readers can figure it out for themselves, just look at what is happening.

SNAP does do a great job of getting plaintiffs to attorneys, and in that respect they do help survivors.

But the lawsuits also keep the truth secret.

************
So SNAP doesn't deny all this happened. They just want me to stop writing about it.

**************

.
I was wrong. Minnesota SNAP is still sending out the video, now in mac format for those who don't have PCs. He's calling it an "out-reach" [sic] video.

Someone sicced this man on me and no one is stopping him. As totally out of line as what he is doing, and no one is telling him to stop.

I'm telling a painful truth and they are doing everything they can to stop me.

Just like SNAP's treatment of me Jan 2007 when they tried to stop me from starting then continuing City of Angels.

They go behind the scenes and SNARL at survivors, freak most of us out so bad we run away and never come back.
.
***********
.
Now MN SNAP is emailing me that if I feel "ostrasized" it must be because it's true. Thanks, SNAP Minnesota for once again showing me, and now the world, the way SNAP treats many survivors.

Bob's latest email:

"How many times do you need to be ostracized (your word) before you stop - look - listen to what so many others are trying to tell you ? If none in a room full of people don't agree with you, stop - look - listen to them. Sadly, you look at a helping hand as being ostracized, stop - look - listen."

There hasn't been anything even resembling a helping hand offered, but he sure is determined to shut me up.

And where the hell is this roomful of people?

SNAP in Minnesota is writing this to me.

SNAP is saying: How dare you point out the nine thousand pound gorilla in the room?

******
Here's another of his emails, this yesterday:

"If you feel intimidated it is because you are uncomfortable with the can of worms you have opened on yourself."

I didn't arrive at this conclusion in a vaccum.

Anyone who can has valid genuine contributions to make to the conversation, I will gladly listen to.

But, Bob, only reason I'm going to open your emails anymore is to copy and paste them and post them here so everyone can see them.

Just like I put my true feelings up here for everyone to see, even though I knew there would be responses like Bob's, I just did not expect it so blatantly from one of the SNAP official "leaders."

The email to me from people who are just "people" has been more like Nine to One encouraging me and thanking me.

That was a surprise. I thought I had self destructed by going public with this.

So City of Angels is not Dead, it's just resting.
.
Good public relations would put our thousands of faces in the news media, and all our stories. What we have instead is "the most quoted man in the clergy sex abuse movement," brags Bob's video. I didn't listen to much past that, as it was not addressing what I wrote. Bob's video was a reaction wo what he thought I was saying, then he didn't bother to read the entire experience, just reacted to the first paragraph or so.

It poured out over days, it will probably pour out more, there's a lot to the story of my weird experience with SNAP.

As to ostracizing, I was ostracized already, before I wrote the stuff last week.

And since when is Shunning a cool practice?

And why are SO MANY people emailing me and thanking me for coming out with this?

****************
At least I put my allegations out in public, written here for everyone to read. The organization I criticize takes most its steps in secret. So which one would you believe?

**********

ALSO:
Saturday, February 13, 2010

Docs in SNAP Group Leaders Packet 1997 scanned here
.UPDATE: The group I ran in SF was 1997, not 1995, sorry for the error. Here are some docs that came with the Leadership Packet and a press release I sent out about the group I was running in the SF Public Library.

***************

I'm real busy at work, can't spend too much time on this right now, but two clicks at the IRS found me this, in FAQs

Q: In general, what public disclosure requirements apply to tax-exempt organizations?

A: In general, exempt organizations must make available for public inspection certain annual returns and applications for exemption, and must provide copies of such returns and applications to individuals who request them.

Copies usually must be provided immediately in the case of in-person requests, and within 30 days in the case of written requests. The tax-exempt organization may charge a reasonable copying fee plus actual postage, if any.

*****
So why has SNAP always said to me, I'll get right back to ya, and then they never do?

It's LAW they HAVE to show their financial papers.

Click here for IRS policy on nonprofits reporting their finances to the public. By law they have to, simply because they are not paying taxes, no further conversation should be needed.
http://www.irs.gov/charities/article/0,,id=214271,00.html

Yet David Clohessy tap danced instead of sending me these docs when I requested them over and over again for at least three weeks in Spring of 2008.

He said, "I have no idea, I have nothing to do with the money," then said he didn't even know who on the SNAP staff to ask for the documents, he would find out and get back to me, but he was totally in the dark about money at SNAP.

Did he really think I'm that stupid?

?????
*********************

(A Lot of copy and pasting from here down in this post, a lot of redundancy. Someday I'll come back in here and clean this up, cut out the repetition, and fix the typos. Not today.)

********************************

I remember the moment, in Pershing Square, a vigil while the bishops held their national meeting in the L.A. Biltmore across the street. I was disheveled, bloated and fat and self esteem? None. This was my second time finding SNAP. First time I'd been a warrior, moved a hundred miles to be closer to a SNAP meeting in Oakland, started a second daytime meeting in San Francisco. Wrote letters, started printing things out that I found on this new thing the Internet.

Mid 1990s.

Now it was 2006, there had been a murder in my family so I hadn't done SNAP for several years, now I could come back, all the chaos and insanity in that part of my life was finally ending and I could start paying attention to this priest thing again.

Barbara Blaine who sat next to Mary Grant and I finally got a chance to talk to them. I was in awe of them, gazing up at them, probably looked pretty pathetic.

I said, "It feels so good to be able to send out a letter to the editor and sign it Kay Ebeling, SNAP Los Angeles."

Blaine and Grant looked at each other then looked at me, and said simultaneously:

"You can't."

Then they explained why I couldn't say I was a member of SNAP but I really don't remember what the reasoning was. Just that I gave them the authority, figured they must know what they are doing, so they must be right.

So, for all the people who tell me, just do something on your own and call it SNAP like they did, you are forgetting that you started that in the 1990s or early 2000s.

Apparently SNAP has changed since then, it's much more controlled from the top, there are a lot more secrets kept than were in 1995.

So as I said, I'm writing what my experience was. Not to whine or ask for pity, but to point out that no one in this movement deserves sainthood. Everyone among us deserves to be criticized if they are putting out false information.

Saying SNAP is a "support network" is two false statements. The support is not really there. And the network does not exist at all, it's a hologram.

I know people are rankled but as long as it's impossible to point out anything SNAP does wrong, they will continue to do things in "the way we've always done it," and the same mistakes get made.

NO ONE is above criticism.

Even me. I hear it and consider it when it's legitimate.

If SNAP told me lies, misdirected me, and I'm one journalist / survivor, it makes me really wonder how many other people were misdirected by SNAP, and why.

If anything, I know making these statements makes me look petty in some people's eyes. If it was about me-me-me, believe me, I would not have posted this story.

It's about me not wanting to see the same mistakes and screw-ups continue. It's about me saying, why doesn't someone go in and reorganize, update, and set genuine Goals at SNAP instead of just letting it continue in its constant state of disarray.

How is that whining or pity potting. One of SNAP's most vocal midwest spokesmen is hounding me now that I'm on a pity pot.

And my idea:

Set up a trust, a fund from donations from settlements, and let survivors who did not get settlements apply to the fund for grants.

What's wrong with that idea? how is that just caring about me-me-me and being on a pity pot?

I think it's a damn good idea, and something SNAP should have done and still couuld do.

But there's Mr. Snap from Minnesota screaming at me that I'm on a pity pot and all I care about is me-me-me if I say why not set up a trust for the rest of the victims.

Knee jerk reaction.

Nothing will improve until we fix the broken parts.

Having the strangest experience.

It's over. I think...

I doubt I'll post another word at City of Angels.

I did what I came for. I identified the problem and wrote about it, reported it here.

Now, I can't hang around while almost everyone else working in this area is not only drinking the Kool-Aid but drunk on it.

If people prefer to believe what they are told instead of what they see, there's not much more I have to write on this topic.

I'm a chameleon, always have been, and it's real obvious, the way I feel, that another change is coming, and City of Angels is done.

I did what I came here for, identified the problem, and until the rest of us see and deal with the problem, I can't function in this "community."

City of Angels was run from the beginning on nudges. They're gone now. They left this morning.

There's nothing more to say. Until other people see what I see, there's nothing more I can say.

ke
****

I am also, I will admit, going a little nuts. I don't just think David and Barbara are from the Church. I'm getting so every person I talk to on the phone or through email through this blog is an undercover agent from the church, or from David and Barbara.

Maybe if I just write here for a while and stop answering my phone...

****

There has also been this eerie strange experience I've had since first starting City of Angels blog back in Jan. 2007 (in spite of SNAP's obstruction, which I already wrote about here yesterday).

Not long into working on the blog, I'd have this experience, at first I noted it and kind of was left with this, what happened, feeling. When it happened 12, 15 times I began to really notice it and make note of it. Now it happens all the time, with about two exceptions.

I'm talking to a survivor somewhere in the US over the phone, we are getting along great. We make plans to talk again about this or that at a time in the future. I call that person when we are supposed to talk again, and they will not return my call, ever...

Okay, one of the very first times this happened was early in the life of the blog, I was talking to a survivor in New Mexico, his case was current so we could not post the details, but he talked to me at length. He told me he also was real active in AA as a sponsor.

He said, "If you ever need to talk to me about anything, especially these issues, call anytime, because I know how important that contact with another human being is, so I'll return your call no matter what I'm doing, as soon as possible."

Okay that's not a direct quote. Point is he emphasized he would call me back.

He also was very close and in regular contact with David Clohessy.

I called back when we had arranged, he would not return the call. I tried a few more times, then gave up, and took it personally. In early 2007 I was not the self contained person I am today even. Three years back i was barely able to get a sentence out of my mouth...

Okay. It happened then again in states and regions all over the country, the exact same pattern. When a survivor who I'm talking to is in the middle of working with me on a story for the future at City of Angels, or even we are just talking as I need human contact SO BAD in my life right now.

We'll be goign along fine.

Then there is that interaction on their end with SNAP.

From that time on, the person will not call me back again.

This has happened now so many times that what I do now is I wait and see how long it will be before it happens. It happens ALL THE TIME.

Either someone is getting to survivors and telling them not to talk to me, which I know happened in Los Angeles in 2006, SNAP leaders in L.A. have been quoted to me saying, "Don't have anything to do with that crazy lady in Hollywood" to most people in SNAP. I still am stymied by that as well...

Off topic.

At first when people stopped calling me back, I took it personally. Then it became obvious something was going on.

My favorite was on the SNAP cruise, where about six antagonistic people went to Ensenada and back in 2008, it was supposed to be a fund raiser but there was -- six people or so went.

This one guy, he spent two to three hours telling me his whole life story and how it was affected by serial sodomy rape by a sickening German surnamed priest who is among the L.A. perpetrators.

We had this long talk. Plus the guy was my age, educated, I thought we really connected. We sat there both of us crying on a chaise lounge on the cruise ship.

Then he goes off to do something with SNAP which I think had to do with money management, as it was mostly people who had just gotten settlements who were the target of the cruise.

I got to go on the cruise because someone gave me his ticket, he could not refund it, he'd already paid for it then had to work, so I got to go on the cruise.

Boy was I not welcome there, but I tolerated it to experience a cruise one time.

Okay.

That night at dinner I see the guy who had just poured his heart out to me, bonded with me on a shared serial child rape basis.

I say the beginning of one sentence to him and he turns his back, abrupt, says something like, I don't want to talk to you about this anymore, totally shines me on.

I sit there with this person near me at the dinner table who is bristling angry at me, and have no idea why.

****

The first time it happened and I knew I was not imagining it, was a phone call I was having with this one guy from Southern California in the 2006-7 settlements who was also real active in SNAP. We were talkign along, talkign along, making plans to meet soon, sharing our archdiocesical rages.

Then in the middle of a sentence he goes, "Wait, oh, wha- wait, you're that Kay, you're that Kay? Oh, hold on, I gotta go."

And he never spoke to me again.

Lucky for me, he was not good at subterfuge at all. It was so blatant that someone had told him not to talk to me. That is the moment when it became more of an experience than a hurtful thing. I could be objective.

But still to this day is this niggling feeling inside, what is wrong with me. My personality is so bad that 99 percent of the survivors I talk to who are involved with SNAP do not call me back after they talk to someone at SNAP about me?

Is it that I am so disgusting that no one wants to talk to me after the first time?

Or is it SNAP telling them to have nothing to do with me.

I mean which makes more sense to you. Or SNARL as I dubbed them in the Fiction piece over Christmas, and I hope now people who read this will start to understand how I came to the place where I started calling them SNARL instead of SNAP.

Actually look at the comments Bob Schwiderski put on the Sunday post at City of Angels 8. He is snarling right there in print, not much different from emails I used to get from Mary Grant.

The nudges are back.

********

Cut from opening:

Thing is as long as I feel this way about SNAP I can't function in the "survivor community" as 80 percent of survivors tell me they are having a good experience with them. I don't know what the criteria is for who gets treated well by SNAP and who doesn't, I just know that the line is definitely drawn, and a lot of people get this same, they don't want me around feeling that I used to get in 2006, I just am so persistent, and yes, it struck me as ... so counter intuitive, for an organization that is supposed to be empowering crime victims to treat some of the victims so bad.

In some cases we are the wildest weirdest ones, the survivors who don't look good on camera, as I was in 2006. Thing is now that I've been doing City of Angels for three years, I've turned into this confident person. In reality it's the most damaged, broke, half homeless ones who need the most support and attention, yet we are the ones who get snubbed the most.

I used to think it was about money, the survivors who get treated well are the ones who have active cases that are going to end up in big settlements.

I don't know that for sure, because EVERY TIME I've been in conversation with survivors who are heading for big settlements, this David Clohessy or Someone intervention takes place.

I doubt it's the Church intervening. Most survivors would not listen to what a representative of the Church tells them to do.

But they will enthusiastically and reverently do what Clohessy or one of the others in the SNAP regional heirarchy tell them to do....

All thish stuff I'm writing here is how I came to the conclusion that at the top, out of St. Louis, SNAP is run by the Roman Catholic Church, and the survivors have just been through years of Crowd Control, and News Information Management.

The only thing they screwed up with this plan is they did not count on the Internet, and survivors finding each other

IN SPITE of SNAP.

And me. I kept digging. And I kept trying to tell myself I was imagining it until it was SO RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, I could not see it as anything else.

So when survivors are still in that place where they have given a kind of Saint-quality to the individuals who run SNAP, they cannot understand how I could bad rap them.

It's the ones who call me with this same complaint that stymies me, as the weird treatment of survivors by SNAP is almost the same in every city.

In fact, when I first wrote about that strange snub in Fall 2009, where SNAP held a Gus Krumm press event in Orange County without mentioning that City of Angels broke the story, I got several emails from people who have been around a long time, old Linkup Members, and phone calls too, telling me, honey, SNAP has done that to so many survivors, you are not all that weird, don't feel like the Lone Ranger
.

I do feel alone with it right now, as I'm still the only one of about three willing to say it in print, and use my name.

But right now there are so many survivors and advocates angry with me for writing this, that I can't even make a phone call to develop a story.

Thing is, as long as I keep researching, this niggling thing comes up. Something is wrong with SNAP and maybe I haven't figured it totally out, but there is definitely something wrong. And now that I've gone this far, I'm not going to stop, until someone looks into it.

There's more.

For those survivors who are already in a perplexed state like I was in 2006-2008 when I just couldn't figure out why SNAP does what it does, try this formula.

Take all your confusion about SNAP and add one element to the equation, that they are doing it on purpose, that they want to screw up press events and want to discourage survivors from continuing to participate.

Then all of a sudden all your confusion and questions are answered, as it all falls in place. If they really are counter-espionage, created by the bishops as far back as the late 1980s as a way to keep the lid on this story.

Add that concept into your experience with SNAP and suddenly- it's like reconciliation.

Everything falls into place.

Everything makes sense.

They left the survivors standing on a sidewalk with no one in washington and Florida? The way they tried to stifle me from covering L.A. Clergy Case hearings.

Just apply the idea that SNAP is really from the Church to your experience so far.

See if the same thing doesn't happen to you.

Suddenly it all makes sense, it all adds up.

And there was only one group of persons in the mid-1980s who knew how many crime victims there were, who knew they had to do something to keep us from really becoming a powerful force, who knew they had to insinuate themselves into the group of survivors who were already starting to find each ohter.

Only one group knew in advance how many of us there are and that they had to do something to contain us:

The US Conference of Roman Catholic bishops.

************

Response to one of many recent emails:

They lied to me about the L.A. Clergy case pretrial hearings. They tried to divert me away from covering them. Clohessy tap dances instead of answering questions

I didn't stumble in here stoned and get mad 'cause no one liked me.

I was pulling on my J skills to try to get this story out.

SNAP was diversionary and untruthful to me As A Journalist not only as a Survivor.

How many other reporters have gotten that same treatment? Makes me wonder if that's why this story has fizzled when it should ahve exploded.

I have many damn good reasons for being suspicious of them, please read what I am writing at http://cityofangels2.blogspot.com/ before telling me this is internal bickering or me being upset about being snubbed.

How can it be internal bickering when there is nothing to be inside of? The "survivor community" is a hologram. Great image, but when you reach out for it, there is nothing there.

*****
.
I know what I am saying is really far out and unbelievable. But think of who the bad guys are in this story...

Could be that things in SNAP have been so secretive and non-transparent that it makes a person inclined to suspect things are worse than they really are.

Best if from the beginning there are no secrets.

*****

.
God, this is unfolding in layers. As soon as one element gets out and written down another one comes up.

Pacing around my home in early 2009, really working at calling lots of survivors around the country to develop stories for City of Angels.

I actually hollered into the phone, "God, no, I don't want to talk about that.

"Don'tn tell me that. Don't tell me it happened to you, no not again." Still the conversation would inevitably go there.

The obstacle that always ended up being up in front of us was SNAP in St. Louis, the support organization that was supposed to be making things happen.

"No, I really don't want to hear that," I said many times, "or bring that up again, it makes my blood pressure rise too much."

I didn't set out with City of Angels to write this part of the story, it just became to me, the most important story to tell.

It would always come up. The thing that stopped us, the thing that kept the project from being a success. It was always SNAP.

Obstructionist was the word that I kept writing in notes around mid-2008.

In early 2009 when it seemed everywhere I looked I'd see more signs that something was wrong at a shadow level with SNAP, it even affected me physically. I started shaking uncontrollably and it lasted days. I laid in bed shaking, taking muscle relaxants to keep from flying over the edge of the balcony.

Shaking.

Then with time it stopped, and I went back to telling myself, it can't be true. No one could be that sinister, devious, evil.

yes they can.

*****
*
I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

One of my most prolific critics says I'm after David Clohessy's job. No. I would never want to run a nonprofit, I'm not a hand-shaker, I don't mix, I don't even like most humans anymore and look forward to leaving the planet soon.

I didn't have any agenda when those posts came out Sunday, they just came out. It's my experience, i didn't make it up. Maybe I should deny what happened to me and pretend it didn't so people will like me better?

My critic snarls that I'm jealous because "Clohessy is the most quoted man in the clerical child abuse movement" and that made me laugh so hard and so long out loud.

My critic revealed the problem.

"Most quoted man"?

Good PR results in a change in public thinking and policy.

That emailer was so totally from some other place and time, that I laughed so loud and so long...

**********

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

*****************

I've had this experience before, as a journalist, in fact I'm lucky I have, as the scars are all calloused from those times and this one I can just take.

I'd write a column saying something I saw and the result was outrage from the readers. Letter writing campaigns against me. Other columnists writing columns about how wrong I was.

Ostrasizing even.

Then five years later pretty much everyone knows and is saying the same thing that got me ostracized.

If anyone questions what I wrote Sunday and since, just look at this weird reaction I'm getting, it kind of proves what I wrote.

I mean Minnesota SNAP produced a video to snarl at me and sent it to five hundred people. And I'm not surprised. It's the level of intimidation a lot of survivors experience with them, and this is what will happen if you dare to criticize SNAP.

They really do Snarl.

***********

The Unfolding Continues
Brain still processing...

I'm even beginning to think the Support Group experience Summer 2008 at the SNAP conference ties into this scheme to beat me down. The time I was left standing alone in the hallway door slammed on me, thrown out of the Women's Saturday night breakaway event. Left feeling two inches high because of a support group? And all SNAP did about it was keep me from writing about it, that night.

It took me six months at least to recuperate.

Now I'm beginning to think that experience tied in somehow as well, it was a very strange thing.

Another Unfolding:

One of the highest Snappers said something very strange to me at the conference that did not make sense, and it's niggled at me now and then, but I've tried not to dwell on it. Then I realized he was so tied into thish effort to slam me down. He might even be the one writing the script.

All of a sudden that weird thing he said to me a year and a half ago makes sense.

Because that person is in the middle of it.

I'm standing today in my kitchen or wherever and these added elements pop into my head and I go, hmm, yeah, now it makes sense.

Another thing that same very high level SNAP person who is also an attorney said was, "Every time you put a post up at City of Angels, I go there right away and read it from beginning to end."

I thought he was complimenting me, now I see he was telling me, I'm an attorney, and I'm reading every single line you write, carefully.

I thought it was a friendly remark.

Since then he hasn't been too friendly. So it was another thing that just didn't make sense.

Until now.

Now that I realize he might be the one writing the script, I'm looking at both his comments a different way.

Things that didn't add up for so long.

Suddenly do.

Reconciliation
.
****
I'm still working this out in my head. What I'm trying to explain is I think SNAP has had a full out effort going from the beginning to keep City of Angels from happening. It just got so bad that I could barely develop stories for the blog, because so many people would not call me back. Plus, the repeated stories from around the country that I wasn't soliciting. Instead it was more like people felt so glad they finally had someone they could pour out to the bad experiences they had with SNAP.

I stuffed this part of the story down for three years for the exact reasons Bob Hoatson and Tom Doyle got on me for writing it, because I thought it would be bad for the "movement" to put this in print. But truth is there really is no movement to hurt, and that's my point.

What movement?

I've been reeling in the middle of this so long it did not add up in my head. Spewing it all out in a blog on Super Bowl Sunday has... repositioned me. Now I'm looking at all this stuff, and I don't doubt for a minute that I've pointed out something seriously wrong. Don't know if it's the bishops who are writing the script and doing everything they can to keep survivors on point and in line.

But someone is.

*************

Strangest of all in all this week's stuff is no one has validated the weird experience I had or helped explain what happened. It wasn't fun going through this the whole last three years, and the harangue from Minnesota from Sunday seems to have finally stopped on Friday morning. (Except now he's just emailing me.) Kind of proved my point.

No one has explained that maybe I misunderstood and SNAP wasn't trying to steer me away from covering the Clergy Cases in L.A. and then when I persisted anyway, they weren't trying to intimidate me into not covering the hearings. They haven't said, no, Kay, we haven't done that, we aren't trying to stifle City of Angels with contacts around the country.

Just show me I'm wrong, I'll write a mea culpa.

Instead there was a four-day effort to scare me into silence.

Oh, by the way in the two in depth interviews on the story of David C's life that have showed up this week, he doesn't mention his brother the pedophile priest again. I still think that is very weird, it's a major part of the dynamic of his work at SNAP, whether he even realizes it.

It would make his story more interesting even.

If there really was a network of support, all the survivors in far flung places who have tried to start things on their own would be part of it, and a network would really be great because we could reach out and encourage each other, share resources. None of that is happening in SNAP. Instead survivors like me who try to do something on their own are left all alone to do it with out even a nod of acknowledgement from SNAP. Then our projects are either usurped or smothered.

I wrote it all at City of Angels 2.

Funny, when i first arrived here in 2006 and was finding people at the SNAP message board, there were a couple of guys there that were like madmen. They kept hollering, SNAP is the bishops SNAP is the bishops. Now I too have degenerated into one of those insane survivors who are standing outside hollering, SNAP is the bishops, SNAP is the bishops.

The end of the world is Ni.

Soylent Green is People.

If not the bishops, someone is writing a script and keeping anyone from deviating from it, and that's plain weird.

*****

They are determined to intimidate people into not talking. Donald Steier has been more decent to me than hierarchy from SNAP as I've done City of Angels the last three years. He's the lawyer who defends all the predator priests.

The question no one seems to see I'm asking is, why did SNAP try to stop me from covering the LA Clergy cases in 2007, why did they tap dance or outright give me false information, trying to intimidate me then to not write about the cases.

Wow, just realized, in Januray 2007, the tone of the emails from Mary Grant was exactly the same as these Snarls I'm getting now from Minnesota SNAP. Minneapolis SNAP.

Wow, this is taking a turn I never predicted, I just knew I couldn't be silent any longer, I didn't wake up on Super Bowl Sunday saying, time to lash out. I woke up saying, I can't not write this and not post it any longer, when it comes up everywhere I loook and it is not going away.

Readers can figure it out for themselves, just look at what is happening.

SNAP does do a great job of getting plaintiffs to attorneys, and in that respect they do help survivors.

But the lawsuits also keep the truth secret.

************
So SNAP doesn't deny all this happened. They just want me to stop writing about it.

**************

.
I was wrong. Minnesota SNAP is still sending out the video, now in mac format for those who don't have PCs. He's calling it an "out-reach" [sic] video.

Someone sicced this man on me and no one is stopping him. As totally out of line as what he is doing, and no one is telling him to stop.

I'm telling a painful truth and they are doing everything they can to stop me.

Just like SNAP's treatment of me Jan 2007 when they tried to stop me from starting then continuing City of Angels.

They go behind the scenes and SNARL at survivors, freak most of us out so bad we run away and never come back.
.
***********
.
Now MN SNAP is emailing me that if I feel "ostrasized" it must be because it's true. Thanks, SNAP Minnesota for once again showing me, and now the world, the way SNAP treats many survivors.

Bob's latest email:

"How many times do you need to be ostracized (your word) before you stop - look - listen to what so many others are trying to tell you ? If none in a room full of people don't agree with you, stop - look - listen to them. Sadly, you look at a helping hand as being ostracized, stop - look - listen."

There hasn't been anything even resembling a helping hand offered, but he sure is determined to shut me up.

And where the hell is this roomful of people?

SNAP in Minnesota is writing this to me.

SNAP is saying: How dare you point out the nine thousand pound gorilla in the room?

******
Here's another of his emails, this yesterday:

"If you feel intimidated it is because you are uncomfortable with the can of worms you have opened on yourself."

I didn't arrive at this conclusion in a vaccum.

Anyone who can has valid genuine contributions to make to the conversation, I will gladly listen to.

But, Bob, only reason I'm going to open your emails anymore is to copy and paste them and post them here so everyone can see them.

Just like I put my true feelings up here for everyone to see, even though I knew there would be responses like Bob's, I just did not expect it so blatantly from one of the SNAP official "leaders."

The email to me from people who are just "people" has been more like Nine to One encouraging me and thanking me.

That was a surprise. I thought I had self destructed by going public with this.

So City of Angels is not Dead, it's just resting.
.
Good public relations would put our thousands of faces in the news media, and all our stories. What we have instead is "the most quoted man in the clergy sex abuse movement," brags Bob's video. I didn't listen to much past that, as it was not addressing what I wrote. Bob's video was a reaction wo what he thought I was saying, then he didn't bother to read the entire experience, just reacted to the first paragraph or so.

Don't let them tell you we are all damaged survivors, and if you question them it's just because we have "Trust Issues" or you are trying to destroy the "movement." Point out to them that there really is no movement.

Do you see why I no longer trust them?

There's more...
.

You don't have to be a journalist to ask a person at a nonprofit for their financial papers and have them sent immediately, it's in the law.

If you're an American taxpayer you have a right to know.
.
************

This story poured out over days, it will probably pour out more, there's a lot to the story of my weird experience with SNAP.

As to ostracizing, I was ostracized already, before I wrote the stuff last week.

And since when is Shunning a cool practice?

And why are SO MANY people emailing me and thanking me for coming out with this?

****************
At least I put my allegations out in public, written here for everyone to read. The organization I criticize takes most its steps in secret. So which one would you believe?

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Wow it's so obvious. SNAP wanted to keep me from starting and continuing City of Angels because What I Wrote Here the last three days is What They Did Not Want Me To Find Out.

**********
For a copy of financial papers from SNAP email snapadmin1@gmail.com, it says here in the SNAP Annual report

It's under the pie chart at the bottom of a list in about 2 point type but it's there...

Every time I've emailed I've gotten the answer, "we will send it to you next week." Then next week never comes.

Maybe other people will get a better response. I wish other people would email that address and see if you have better luck than I have ever had, getting to see a copy of their 2007-2008 income and outflow pages.

I think it's strange that a nonprofit sidesteps inquiries about its finances, I mean they are not paying taxes, it's the public's money, we have a right to know.

When David tapdanced with me over a six-week period refusing to answer any questions about money in early 2008 is when the red flags about SNAP really started being so much in my face.

But I still gave them the benefit of the doubt, as long as I could - without turning into a PR writer and not a journalist.
.
We scanned the 2006 financial papers from SNAP here last December and they showed a half a million dollars was taken in and spent in that year. That was before California...

Anyway, I don't think it's legal for a nonprofit to keep their financial papers secret.

UPDATE:

It may be easier for SNAP to hide its financial information since 2006 as they are now incorporated in Nevada, evidently moved from Illinois in 2007, but now they're a non profit registered in the Onetime Mob State to the East of L.A.

There's a lot of dead bodies in that desert.
.

FINANCIAL DOCUMENTS SCANNED

Financial documents from SNAP 2006 can be viewed full screen, click to enlarge, by following the headline below to City of Angels 11

Monday, November 23, 2009

A guy handed me these papers begging me to post them. Here they are, if they are a smoking gun, please let me know...
.
(BELOW are some documents that were in a wad of paper a guy handed me two years ago. I feel a real need to get them online, but have hesitated, as I know some people among the crime victims will stop talking to me because I posted these. Oh well. If there is really nothing wrong here, I would love to hear it. Anyone can email me or call and tell me these docs below are not that revealing, please do. ...

(((((((((((

Also:

For a copy of financial papers from SNAP 2007, 2008, email

snapadmin1@gmail.com

Here in the SNAP Annual report under the pie chart

At the bottom of a list, in about

2 point type

but it's there...

Email snapadmin1@gmail.com for financial documents from 2008, and I assume 2007.

Every time I've emailed though, in the past year, I've gotten the answer, "We will send it to you next week." Then next week never comes.

Now Word Comes to Me that sometime in the past two years SNAP moved its headquarters to Nevada, where as we in L.A. know, anything goes when it comes to law enforcement and oversight.

Anyway, wish someone besides me would email them for financial docs and then post them somewhere or send them to me to post.

I can't believe an organization that takes in millions (est.) in donation money to "help survivors" and then does almost nothing, can get away with not telling the press or publishing at their website the financial docs.

A legitimate nonprofit would have their finances posted in their annual report.

A legitimate nonprofit...
.

If anyone emails that address, please let me know what happens.

ke

**************

AH,

the Mystery of Memory

When you write one memory out of your head, it makes room for another.

Scene was L.A. Criminal Courts, a hearing regarding Michael Baker. SNAP sent out notices and about 15 people would come.

It was December 2006 or Jan 2007, I knew that with hundreds of lawsuits filed back in 2003 in California because of the one-year window, there had to be some activity somewhere in the Courts. My only connection to the information was Mary Grant, Regional Director from SNAP.

Every time I asked, she'd shrug, say, no, nothing is going on. But at this Baker hearing I tried another tack.

I waited until the other Mary, the woman from A Call to Action, was standing in conversation with Mary. I walked up and interrupted.

"Mary, there's gotta be something going on with all those lawsuits that were filed in 2003, what's going on?"

Grant bristled, face beating. Then with calculated control the words formed adn came out of her mouth. "Yes, there are hearings in Superior court."

"Where in L.A. Superior Court, which building?"

"I don't know."

"Which judge, which department?"

"I don't know."

"When will be the next hearings?"

"I don't know."

"Well then who can I call who would know?"

She had to tell me, because the other Mary was standing there. This was already more info that Mary Grant had been willing to divulge for the previous weeks. A name of an attorney doing the hearings.

Grant gave me the name of Attorney Ray Boucher, and finally I had something. Then a woman in Boucher's office told me how to keep track of the hearings, that yes, there had been a few hundred pre-trial hearings so far in the past year. She told me which Superior Court, the name of the judge, where and how to find the Clergy Case Calendar online.

Grant from SNAP had been telling me for months there was nothing going on.

She knew I was a journalist, too, hadn't been published in a while, but anyone even then could find old articles I had written online.

The only reason I got even that much information out of the only full time paid regional director from SNAP at the time was someone else was witnessing the conversation.

I waited until someone else was talking to her and interrupted, it was the only way to force information out of her. She couldn't tell me another lie in front of Mary from A Call to Action.

That is only one of many reasons I've come to believe SNAP has some other agenda than what they purport to the public.

I'm seeing patterns and evidence enough to think SNAP has been run by the bishops since at least 1993 when they incorporated under the Dominican Sisters (see previous post).

Meantime, I'm glad this is pouring out. People need to find out how much they tried to keep City of Angels from happening, whatever and whoever is the cause of it.

If they were lying and diverting me from even knowing about the hearings, what else did they do to keep the press from writing about the Clergy Cases in L.A.?
.

NOT a SMOKING GUN, but something people said, yes, you should post, so I posted:
.
I found this part of a SNAP incorporation paper in a file cabinet a few weeks ago. It doesn't conflict with half the stories I've heard about how SNAP started but it does conflict with the other half.

At first I took advice not to post this, as people who've been around since 1993 or so don't see this as a problem, but new people are calling me and saying, what? No. Post it. It answers so many questions for me.

Here it is in full size, below it is in closeup.





I ran a SNAP group in San Francisco in 1995, that is when I received this document, then found it in a file drawer a few weeks back.

Some of my friends are saying this is a smoking gun.

I don't think it is, but other friends are saying, yes, do post it, because it answers a lot of questions I've had in my mind.

SNAP incorporating paper, click to enlarge, they were set up in 1993 as "an institution of the Catholic Church":



As I said, wherever I turn, even my own file cabinets, I find evidence that SNAP has been part of the Catholic Church all along.

And the way some people reacted this week, I think part of their whole scheme from the beginning was to get us all into a state of awe over the persons who run SNAP at a national level.

So today it is shocking, sinful almost, to criticize SNAP, or publish a "screed" as I've been told by too many people using that same word "screed."

Starting from the day they created SNAP, they wanted us to be afraid to ask questions.

It's the Bishops' MO too...
.

**I haven't even written here yet, how Angelic Intervention in January 2007 showed me the truth, and how what SNAP was telling me was the opposite of the truth. That was the birth of City of Angels, coverage of a hearing Jan. 16, 2007, when SNAP emailed me warning me not to go to the hearing, not to write about it, because the plaintiff did not want any news coverage and it would "ruin his case" or words to that effect.

I think it was angelic intervention that the one plaintiff SNAP was talking to me about was the one and only person from the Southern California cases who I had met, even made good friends with, through the SNAP online message board, which they have since discontinued. So I called the plaintiff and asked him, is that true? You don't want me to cover your hearing? He answered, hell yes I want you to write about it, I never even talked to anyone from SNAP.

So I went ahead and started City of Angels, in spite of SNAP, and the rest is history. It's all here. What I found out, and how it took them three years, but they succeeded and got me silenced.

Not the church, SNAP got City of Angels silenced. Now I'm observing from the sidelines as survivors around the country pop up on blogs and in Comments saying, well SNAP are just a couple of survivors who are dysfunctional like the rest of us, and if SNAP won't let me in, I'll just start something on my own. I'll observe, like others- old-timers around the country who have given up- do, as SNAP sabotages another survivor trying to do something on their after being shot down too many times by SNAP, I'll be on the sidelines at the same email address as always, waiting for someone with some power and force to step in and stop this incredible re-victimization and fraud that has been purported onto the pedophile priest crime victims by the Roman catholic bishops.

Sleazy underhanded back door counter espionage with absolutely no concern for how it hurts the already damaged crime victims, brought to you by the same persons who transferred pedophiles from one parish to another leaving them free to prey on children in their churches. They created SNAP back in the 1980s to dominate the nascent crime victim "community" and keep us all silent and in line as this story broke in oe city after another across the country.

As a result, news came out about these thousands of organized pedophile crimes, and no one is up in arms, no one is crying for prosecution. Because no one really heard the story of what happened to us. The crime victims were kept controlled and silent, by an organization that sells itself as the "support network" for the survivors.

I'll just have to be on the sidelines watching for now, waiting and waiting for other people to "get it."
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Kay Ebeling
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